Lemon Zest

What a peculiar world we live in! We will capture some of the current topics in pop culture (mostly TikTok), that have us completely obsessed. We’ll also share some of the crazy things we have persuaded our mothers to do in the past and present.

Goodbye Old Friend

Written By: Shirley Lemon

5/31/24

 

I have been known to hold memorial services for all types of things. Plant, animal and inanimate objects. As I age I may or may not be getting a little more ridiculous in this practice.

The object of today’s memorial is “Mr. Freezer”. 

Many years ago (1997) when I moved from Michigan to Indiana my mother wanted to give me a gift.  She decided to buy me a freezer. I didn’t know at that time why she chose a freezer, but any gift from my mother was met with great fanfare and joy. I remember that I looked at a few appliance stores looking for a good deal. It had to be small. We didn’t have a lot of space for a freezer in our home. I wanted her to get the best deal possible that would meet our needs. She politely let me know that she did not need my help. Mother had her own idea of what she wanted to buy so I just shut up and let her run the show.

It turned out to be a great idea in many ways. I could stock up on multiple food items the girls loved when they were on sale and also on holiday foods. We lived in apartments as we made our way from Indiana to Ohio and then finally to Arizona. Mr. Freezer has shared the journey.  Sometimes in a comfortable space, and sometimes in a cramped space. Sometimes Mr. Freezer was disguised as a piece of furniture so that he could blend in with the community around him. I did not want Mr. Freezer to feel neglected or alienated… as much as a freezer could feel. 

Mr. Freezer has served us well. While he has stately sat in his designated space, diligently doing his job of keeping the frozen meats, fruit, and vegetables below zero degrees Fahrenheit he has stood with us as we have navigated through this journey called life. Mr. Freezer has been there as the girls have grown from babies to young women. He has sat there through each milestone, during the good times and the celebrations and through every sickness and sorrow. 

Mr. Freezer has never failed us. When the electricity has gone out due to the weather or other environmental circumstances, he has stood strong and stayed cold. 

I do not have this relationship with all appliances. Apartment appliances are not special.  They are standard in all apartments to be used while we’re there, but when we move on, they are forgotten.

But this was a gift from my mother. She transitioned in 2012 and after that I began to appreciate Mr. Freezer more than ever. Sometimes just opening the lid and taking out frozen food gave me a warm feeling because this gift from her was still giving.

Mr. Freezer has not stopped working. He is too much of a good soldier for that. But alas, he is showing signs of his age. He needs more care and more defrosting. It is not a good thing for him or us to press on for much longer. So, sadly, the time has come to part with Mr. Freezer. 

I was surprised when I woke up on the day that Freezer Jr. arrived and felt a bit melancholy.  This was the day that Mr. Freezer was going to his resting place in freezer nirvana. He has finished his course, stood his ground and was triumphant as the keeper of the frozen foods for our family.

When I shared with my granddaughter my heart felt feelings about letting Mr. Freezer go, she replied, and I quote “Great grandma is probably up in heaven saying you should have got rid of that thing a long time ago.”

Negging

Written By: Nakema Lemon

5/31/24

 

So, I learned a new word on TikTok - Negging.

Negging: is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or straight up insult as a means of flirtation to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator’s approval.

When I was in the ninth or tenth grade, I had a male friend that was always in one of my chemistry classes. Sometimes he was my lab partner and sometimes he was my competition for the top grade in the class. One day we were sitting together at lunch with another girl and at some point, we got into this deep (as deep as 15/16-year-olds can be) discussion about relationships and the male/female dynamic. The boy offered a piece of wisdom and advice that I still remember to this day. He said that when a boy is dating or trying to pursue you, he should not insult or otherwise criticize your appearance or personality traits even if he says he is just joking. If he wants to be with you, putting you down doesn’t make since unless he is just playing games, or he is trying to lower your self-esteem so he can treat you any kind of way. A word.

I have been super sensitive to this in my dating life. I don’t usually judge an offhand joke every now and again, but I do watch for behavioral patterns. Does this person consistently try to gas me up or tear me down? While I have a reputation for being controlling with family and friends, that has not been the case with romantic partners. I am big on reciprocity, so I prefer to let the man set the pace and status of the relationship so that I can respond in kind. I give as good as I get.

One of the tactics with negging is to insult you, then if you express hurt or anger, they will say it was a joke and then accuse you of blowing it out of proportion or not having a sense of humor. As I mentioned, I give as good as I get. So, if he wants to make fat jokes, I might feel the urge to joke about his pot belly, bad breath, or receding hairline. If he makes a “joke” by calling me bougie, I might respond with a “joke” by calling him broke. Needless to say, in the few instances where I came across someone who tried negging with me, he didn’t stay in the picture for very long.

Let’s talk about the difference between a joke and an insult for a minute. A lot of people like to try to disguise insults as jokes. Not just with romantic partners but with family, friends, and associates.

So, let’s pull out the old dictionary:

Joke: Something said or done to invoke laughter.

One of the key components mentioned is invoking laughter. I’m sure there are people in your life that you can joke around with. My mom and I tell old lady jokes to each other all the time. A husband or wife might joke about the other’s snoring in bed, or lack of cooking skills or something. If the recipient of the joke responds with laughter, then you have told a joke. You have invoked laughter. As a disclaimer: I’ve heard married people fake laugh at each other’s jokes many times, so just because your wife laughs at all your jokes, that does not make you a comedian.

On the other hand, if the recipient of the joke does not laugh and instead gets angry or upset, then you, my friend, have not told a joke. You did not invoke laughter. A better word might be “insult,” defined below.

Insult: A disrespectful or scornfully abusive remark or action

Now stay with me class as I bring this all together.

Emotional Intelligence 101: Reality is based on impact, not intent.

Let’s say I accidentally stepped on your foot. It was not my intention to step on your foot. The impact, however, is that your foot hurts. That is the reality. I stepped on your foot, unintentionally, and no matter how many times I say it was not my intent to hurt you, your foot still hurts. If you make a joke at someone’s expense, and they do not laugh, or they are hurt or angry then you indeed have not told a joke. The impact is that they feel insulted. And I hate when people say things like.” Well, that is just who I am, and people just have to learn to accept my sense of humor.” That is like saying, “Well, this is just who I am, I shouldn’t have to go around watching where I am going. If I step on people’s feet, they just have to accept hurt feet.” (You try that with the wrong person, that foot might end up hurting you!)

A little self-reflection may be warranted here. You should ask yourself, why do you feel that your need to tell corny jokes that hurt people should supersede the feelings of the people you hurt? Secondly, you should ask yourself, why are all your jokes insulting (disrespectful or scornfully abusive)? Hurt people hurt people, I’m just saying.

Now back to this negging business. I am going to give you a pop quiz, based on what we’ve learned today:

1.      If you are in a romantic relationship with someone who constantly puts you down, what should you do?

A.      Express to them how much their jokes hurt and work together to resolve the issue.

B.      Give it right back to that big headed, knuckle dragging, only cute in the right light neanderthal (be sure to chuckle when you say it, so that they know you’re joking).

C.     Exit stage left because you’re too good for them.

D.     Both B & C

Bringing In the Sheaves

Written By: Shirley Lemon

5/3/2024

I was on YouTube the other day minding my own business, as much as you can on YouTube… when I came across this story about a church that had a men’s conference and invited a sword swallower to be a guest act at the conference. I had heard some talk about it earlier, but I paid little attention to it because evangelical Christainly Christians are totally out of my wheelhouse.  Until today!  I laughed so hard after seeing the video of the young man doing his sword swallowing act. 

Not because he was doing anything wrong.  Sword swallowing has been around for ages. Many of the Chinese movies I watch have sword swallowers and flame blowers in them all the time. Totally innocent acts.  And after reading what the young man said about his act I believe he meant no harm or disrespect. He was doing what he knows how to do.

So, it was not him that I was laughing at. It was the people who made the decision to allow him to do his act the way he did it. These are the most conservative people on the planet earth!  They find the devil and his cohorts in everything including the air we breathe and the dirt on the ground. How did they not know what the reaction of some of their counterparts would be? 

The young man stated that he used to do his act for women and gay men.  I can see that.  My question to the Christianly Christian evangelicals is: “What message were you trying to project with his performance?”  A bunch of white men who come together to be better white men.  Hmmm… sword swallowing might be the thing you need.

And in another episode of “What the heckle are you doing?…”

My daughter told me about an interview she saw where a person from a church congregation I used to watch was asked what they said to people that they invited to the church for Easter service.  The answer was that they never talked about the crucifixion of Jesus.  They felt that that is not what people want to hear and it might dissuade them from coming to church.  WHAT????

What is Easter Sunday about if not the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ?

I am just going to throw out this one scripture. 

James 1:5 - If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

It is a fact that people are leaving churches of all denominations in droves. If you really want to know what people want in their church journey maybe the thing to do would be to ask for wisdom. Clearly you are throwing spaghetti on the ceiling and every wall and none of it is sticking.

I know most of the Christianly Christians feel like they already have wisdom… but do you see where that has got you?

Maybe the sword swallowing act would have been better suited for a church carnival or fun night. Bring the whole family and ask the young man to keep his shirt on so as not to cause visions of Jezebel spirits lurking in the bushes.  

Maybe all the other Sundays and days of the week could be used to tell people about Jesus without mentioning his death and resurrection. However, it seems a little misguided to me for a Christian church based on the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ to not mention it on the day we honor Him. Mind blowing.

I will have to pray for wisdom to understand some of this stuff.

Poking The Bear

Written By: Nakema Lemon

5/3/24

If you’ve been on TikTok at all lately, you’ve probably heard about the debate regarding Bear vs Man. A man proposed a hypothetical scenario asking women if they had to choose between being stuck in a forest with a man or a bear which would they choose.

Unsurprisingly, the majority of the women chose the bear. Interestingly enough, this got a lot of men up in a tizzy. They were highly offended, and they have been ranting and raving all over TikTok.

Now the question was “being stuck in a forest,” but, they heard “being attacked in the forest.”  Therefore, they feel women are stupid for saying that they would rather be attacked by a bear than a man.

I can’t speak for all women, but I would choose a bear simply because I wouldn’t assume that an attack was imminent. If the question were about an attack, it would depend on if I wanted to live or not. If I thought I had a fighting chance, I would pick a man. But if I were fatalistic about it, I would choose the bear with the assumption that it would be over before I knew it.

But back to the actual question. My first thoughts would circle around survival. Bears are not natural predators of humans. And I bet if you asked any bear, they would probably rather not engage with us at all. In general, a bear is not likely to attack unless it feels threatened, it’s hungry and you have food or it’s rabid.

So, if I were in this hypothetical forest, I would watch it from a safe distance, learn its habits, and then simply stay out of its way. I would only go to the stream to get water when I knew the bear wouldn’t be there and I would only catch fish after I knew the bear had his fill. Or I would become a vegetarian. I would build my shelter on the opposite side of the forest, and I believe that me and the bear could coexist in the forest for a very long time.

A man would be totally different. Once the man became aware that I was in the forest, he would try to engage with me. If not right away, eventually. Men need an audience. Now I am not going to automatically assume that this hypothetical man would want to rape or kill me. Even if he is the nicest man in the world, he is still a man, and he will do man things that will get on my nerves. All of them.

He will try to subjugate me to assert his authority as the head of the forest. He won’t know how to collect water from the stream, catch and/or cook fish, or how to build a shelter. But because he is a man, he won’t listen to me when I tell him I know how to do all those things. So, I will have to watch him fumble around aimlessly while we both suffer from dehydration, starvation, or exposure due to lack of shelter.

And let’s suppose there is also a bear in the forest with us. He won’t want to admit that he is afraid of the bear. And instead of leaving the bear alone, he’ll want to antagonize it and harass it until he gets us both killed. In fact, the man would be so insufferable that I might go find the bear myself for sweet relief. “Pleas kill me now, Mr. Bear!”

The reality is most women believe that if they are stuck with a bear in the forest, it will either kill them or it won’t. But if they are stuck with a man there are a myriad of things that a woman could suffer at the hands of man, many of which are far worse than death.

Proverbs 17:12: Better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs than a fool bent on folly.

Even though I was a little tickled by all the men who were upset by these women’s choice. I found it to be downright hilarious when I started seeing wives pose the same question to their husbands about their daughters. It turns out that Dads would rather their daughters be stuck in a forest with a bear. When one wife asked her husband why he chose the bear, he simply said “Because dudes be weird.”

My sentiments exactly.

Suspect Fish

Written By: Shirley Lemon

11/06/2023

 

As we approach the holiday season, I am always on the lookout for a good fish market. I grew up in a family that follows the tradition of a fish fry on New Years Day. In Detroit Michigan there was never a shortage of fish to fry. There were many great fish markets to choose from with a large variety of fish and other sea food. The great lakes and the Detroit River had some of the best fish in the world. I really miss that. While living in Indiana for eleven years the choices were slim, but I was close enough to home to drive there to get my fish fix for the New Year. The same was true for the three years I lived in Ohio. Now, I’m not saying that these states didn’t have a wide variety of fish to choose from, but I could never find a market that sold only fish. People looked at me as if I had a speech impediment when I asked if they knew where I could find a fish market. They would politely direct me to the nearest grocery store.

Finally, someone told me about the Asian markets. Arizona’s Asian markets do have a wide variety of fish. I was so happy! Then the COVID pandemic hit us and things have not been the same. Sadly, some of my favorite choices have disappeared.

However, there is one fish that has withstood the pandemic and is on display at every grocery store I go to. Tilapia. In my quandary to find fish, I bought some tilapia. It tasted ok. I was thinking that maybe I had found a fish that I could add to my shrinking list of seafood favorites available.

But then my inquisitive mind started to nag at me a little. WHAT IS TILAPIA? I was in my fifties before I ever heard of it. Why come that is? It is in my humble opinion a suspect fish! Test tube creation! And it is sold everywhere. You might not be able to find any other fish, but the tilapia is out there.

I almost got caught in the trap! But I was saved by my smart television.

I had a conversation with my daughter about my suspicions about Tilapia. Not long after that a documentary popped up on my tv on YouTube. As you probably know, whenever you talk about anything out loud in front of your tv or cell phone, it will respond by presenting you with information on that subject.

There is a lot of information available that says Tilapia is a safe and nutritious warm water fish. There is obviously some truth to that because I know people who eat it and they have not yet turned into creatures with three eyes and horns protruding from their heads.

But my imaginative mind will not let me do it! All I can see is thousands of fish squirming and swishing around in those controlled farms, eating what was said to be the feces of chickens and other farm animals. They are, after all, bottom feeders. I have taken my dubitable thoughts to the extreme! (I am thinking Soylent Green!)

If you don’t know what that is then you clearly need to watch more Syfy, people.

The movie was based loosely on the 1966 science-fiction novel Make Room! Make Room! by Harry Harrison.

2022 was the dystopian year in the story. Oceans were poisoned, the greenhouse effect was in full bloom. The world had gone to hell in a handbasket much like our impending future. There was no food, the water was toxic, and most people were poor and lived in squalor. The rich of course were doing great.

So, people were given wafers that were highly processed and bad for your health to eat. There was Soylent Yellow and Soylent Red. Then scientist invented a wafer that was flavorful, more nutritious and wouldn’t kill you as fast, to feed the masses. Oh, bless them! Soylent Green. But we all know that “All that glitters ain’t gold,” and “If it looks too good to be true, it probably is not.”

The stars in the movie were Charlton Heston, Leigh Taylor Young, and Edward G. Robinson. Young people probably don’t know them, but it was a good movie. And so as not to spoil it for you all in case you decide to watch it someday, I will just say, keep an eye on all of your senior citizens and when a family member dies make sure you know where the body is.

So, in conclusion, I will not be eating any Tilapia unless I am starving and there is nothing else to eat anywhere, including grass and tree leaves. And if that happens I would rather eat that than Soylent Green. I don’t want to keep you awake at night but don’t think for one moment that it couldn’t happen to us. We have passed 2022 and are right on track for Soylent Green.

Dating Wars

Written By: Nakema Lemon

11/12/23

 

 I have already been critical of men in these dating streets, now it is the women’s turn. If you have been on TikTok, then you’ve probably heard about Oyster Girl and Cheesecake Factory Girl.

The Oyster Girl finally agreed to go out with a guy in which she wasn’t really interested. He invited her out for a drink, and through the course of the evening she proceeded to order multiple platters of oysters, 3 or 4 drinks, crab cakes, and other appetizers. Horrified, the guy ditched and left her to pay the bill which was over $100. He had only planned to buy her a drink.

In the case of the Cheesecake Factory girl, the guy showed up to her place to pick her up, but she was not ready. She then made him wait for over an hour outside in his car. Because she was late, they missed their reservation, so the man decided to take her to the Cheesecake Factory. When they arrived at the restaurant she refused to get out of the car. She felt that she was dressed too nicely, and she was too beautiful to go to the Cheesecake Factory.

There is a debate on whether or not these were skits or actual events. Either way, I think that most of us can agree that the women in these scenarios were ridiculous.

There is also, floating around social media, a list of “Places Women Absolutely Refuse to Go on a First Day To.”

  1.  Cheesecake Factory

  2. Applebee’s

  3. Chili’s

  4. Chipotle

  5. Olive Garden

  6. Your House

  7. IHOP

  8. Ice Cream Dates

  9. Hookah Bar

  10. Any Fast-Food Chain

  11. Denny’s

  12. Family Functions

  13. Just drinks

  14. Buffalo Wild Wings

  15. The Gym

  16. Movie Nights (at home)

  17. Waffle House

  18. Wingstop

  19. Church

  20. Long Drives

  21. Sports Events

  22. Red Lobster

  23. Starbucks

  24. Bowling

  25. Mom &Pop Restaurants

  26. The Movies

  27. A Buffet

  28. Coffee Dates

  29. Nightclubs

  30. Food Trucks

While a handful of the items make sense, the list in itself doesn’t leave a whole lot of first date options. What is wrong with bowling or the movies?

To me, how you meet the person should determine how to approach the first date. If you met the person online, in passing (i.e., on the street, at a bar, at the grocery store), or it was a set-up, then your first date should be centered around getting to know each other. Even if you’ve spent weeks or months communicating via a device (including facetime), until you physically meet in person, in my opinion you’re still strangers. So, the first date should be less about him trying to impress you by spending a lot of money, and more about the two of you getting to know each other in a safe environment. Meet them in public where there are a lot of witnesses.

If this is someone that you’ve spent time with and gotten to know in a non-romantic setting (i.e., school, work, church, neighborhood, etc.) and you feel confident they are not serial killer, a family function, church, or the gym might be ok. And this is also where I think he should be looking to impress you, so a 5-star restaurant might be in order.

In either case, I definitely don’t think the first date should be at his or your house. It’s not safe, and if you’re looking to establish a connection to have a long tern relationship, meeting in a location where there is a bed might not be the smart move. However, ladies, even if all you want to do is “smash,” if you just met the dude, go to a hotel. That way there will be witnesses, hotel camera footage, and DNA evidence. Ask Olivia Benson.

While I think everyone should have standards, and set boundaries when it comes to dating, I think that dating list may be a little too extreme. I care more about how the man acts, then I do about how much he spends. Here are my pet peeves that will ensure there will not be a second date.

  • Timeliness – If you are going to be late, let me know. Otherwise, if I am left sitting at the restaurant for more than 20 minutes or so, and I haven’t heard one word from you, whenever you do show up, I won’t be there. And unless you’re calling to tell me that you were unconscious or dead, any other explanation after the fact is too late.

  • Kindness – Mistreating the service staff irks me. Sometimes people have the mentality that they have to make the person “work” for their tip, so they harass them throughout the meal. This is a complete turn-off. And unless the service was actually bad, if you don’t tip or you tip low, I probably won’t go out with you again. It is not a money thing, it is a “content of your character” thing.

  • Control – Even though I have bit of a reputation for being controlling, in relationships, I prefer it when the man takes the lead. If you take me to your favorite restaurant, and you know the menu very well, I’ll be happy to let you order for both of us. However, if I express that I don’t like a particular food, then don’t try to force me to eat it. Once I was on a date, and the guy wanted to choose the drinks for us. When I expressed that I don’t drink alcohol, he was perplexed, and kept pressing the issue. He got so frustrated that he accused me of disrespecting his manhood because I wouldn’t let him order me a drink. So, I then said, he could pick out a virgin cocktail (mocktail), but that wasn’t good enough. Ultimately, he ordered me a strawberry daiquiri, which I didn’t drink, so he ended up drinking it. I don’t even think it was about him trying to get me drunk, I think he was just mad that I “contradicted’ him. We were not compatible to say the least.

  • Fronting for no reason - If you can’t afford a particular restaurant then don’t take me there. If you want to go Dutch for whatever reason state that in the invite. When we arrive at the restaurant, don’t tell me to order whatever I want, and then start acting weird if I order something outside your budget. If I need to stick to the 2 for 20 side of the menu, say that. Then when the bill comes, don’t make up some excuse as to why you all of a sudden want to go Dutch. If you let me know in advance that you are “balling on a budget” then I’ll act accordingly, and you still may get a second date. Honesty is important to me. But if I end up having to pick up the check because you couldn’t (and wasn’t truthful about it), I’ll pay the whole check, tip very well and you will never hear from me again.

I’m ok with the Cheesecake Factory and I don’t like oysters.

Caveat: This is My list. However, I have never been married and have been on very few second dates. So, take it with a grain of salt.

Weather Update

Written By: Shirley Lemon

10/22/2023

 

Seeing as how I am the official weather lady for my family and friends and also seeing as how I recently wrote about animals and outer space weather; I would be remiss not to share with you a human outer space weather event that recently occurred.

During the week I experienced light headedness and dizziness. I had a headache too. And I don’t want to talk about how tired I had been feeling. I thought it was possibly because I had a covid shot and a flu shot, and an RSV shot all at the same that this past weekend. Then, as my daughter and I wandered aimlessly around a department store the other day trying to figure out why we were there and what we were there to purchase, a few people approached us excitedly telling us about the solar eclipse taking place at that very time. They had pictures! One lady said it gave her chills every time she looked at them. The pictures were amazing, but I didn’t get any chills. I just pondered the idea that that might be why I had been feeling a little off all week. You know a full moon does have an effect on people so I assume that a solar eclipse would too.  Right? 

But no! All that time I had been feeling the effects from the red level magnetic storm!  Who knew?! “A magnetic storm will affect Earth, and according to experts' forecasts, it will reach a K-index of 5, which corresponds to a red level. Furthermore, this storm will last at least two days.) This is according to an article written by Kateryna Serohina.

The storm occurred on Thursday October 19, 2023, and Friday October 20. I will not get into the scientific explanation as to what is actually going on up there in outer space except to say that “red level and magnetic” sounds serious to me.

Apparently, stuff actually happens to us when this type of storm occurs.

“Usually, on such days, the number of complaints about general health and headaches increases. People also seek medical assistance more frequently than usual, especially from cardiologists.

The most common complaints include:

  • Headaches, migraines, and dizziness

  • Insomnia or increased sleepiness

  • General deterioration of well-being and weakness

  • Rapid fatigue, reduced productivity, and concentration

  • Depression, heightened anxiety, irritability, and aggression”

My concentration has been off too… what was I talking about?  Oh yeah, solar energy that is being scattered all over the earth because of this outer space storm is messing me up! Thankfully there are things I can do to help get me back on track. Back to my usual bright and shiny self!

“How to protect yourself from the impact of a magnetic storm. Medical professionals recommend that weather-sensitive individuals pay more attention to their health, avoid overexertion, and get more rest.”

Okay, I am definitely sensitive, so even though the storm is over now, I still feel that I need to rest and not exert myself. This is a good reason for me to slack off and do absolutely nothing today.  I’m not a doctor but I suggest you should take a day off too.

About The Animals

Written By: Shirley Lemon

10/15/2023

 

This is the title of an article that drew my attention: A Powerful Force Is Dramatically Altering Animal Behavior, and Scientists Say It’s Coming from Outer Space

My first thought before reading the article was that it’s not what’s coming from outer space that is changing animal behavior it’s the people here on earth. Animals are just defending themselves from people who don’t understand the sentence: “Leave wild animals alone!!!” People who think it’s fun to pet the bison and take selfies with them, people who want to get close to bears and their cubs because they’re cute, people who think that animals living in their natural habitats, minding their own business, just trying to survive and raise their child in a harsh and dangerous world are there for their personal entertainment.

Then, after much cynicism I calmed myself down and actually read the article. In part it reads…

Scientists report that energetic outbursts and other space weather phenomena are impacting our planet’s magnetic field, causing disruptions severe enough that the migrational patterns of nocturnal birds and other animal behavior are being affected, according to new research.

“Our findings highlight how animal decisions are dependent on environmental conditions—including those that we as humans cannot perceive, such as geomagnetic disturbances—and that these behaviors influence population-level patterns of animal movement,” explained the study’s lead author, Eric Gulson-Castillo, a doctoral student in the U-M Department of Ecology and Evolutionary Biology.

Migratory animals on the ground, water creatures like sharks and sea turtles, birds and even insects all have something called a sixth magneto – receptive sense.

They found that the birds that tried to brave these changes and migrate anyway “seemed to experience more difficulty navigating, especially under overcast conditions in autumn.” As a result, many migrating birds get lost, something researchers call “vagrancy.”

“What is happening to our world people?”  What is causing these “magnetic disruptions”? I am not a scientist by the stretch of anybody’s imagination. But with my old age brain and total lack of scientific knowledge, I have my opinion as to what’s happening in the great beyond.

It’s those wretched Humans! Yep! They have made a mess of our planet earth, openly and unabashedly depleting it of all that is good and now they are on a mission to do the same in the expanse beyond our planet. And in doing so they are still screwing with the environment and all innocent life forms life here on earth are suffering because if it. Mind blowing and scary.

The poor animals can’t migrate, which is necessary for their survival. And some of them that try get lost or probably die. If birds that can only thrive in warm weather cannot escape the blistering cold winter weather…

There are so many satellites and rockets and space stations and other space junk discarded in the stratosphere now that it is no surprise that there are geomagnetic disturbances which causes changes in space weather which causes big problems for animal life here on earth. I’m sure that there are some studies about how it is affecting us humans as well.

You cannot convince me that those with the money and resources didn’t know the impact of their actions before they embarked upon the assault of the Solar System. But as usual under the guise of exploration and progress, (translation: greed and power) humans have overstepped their boundaries.

It makes me think of the warning from an alien from outer space in the old movie The Day The Earth Stood Still, (1951).

Quote: “It is no concern of ours how you run your own planet. But if you threaten to extend your violence, this Earth of yours will be reduced to a burned-out cinder. Your choice is simple: Join us and live in peace or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer; the decision rests with you.”

Earthlings are too insatiable to be smart. But you should be very afraid.

Prayer Time

Written By: Shirley Lemon

9/16/2023

 

A woman was praying to her chosen deity. She said, (and I am paraphrasing here) “Oh, merciful deity, you know that I am a good person. But I have had to do a few untowardly things in my life. I have schemed and lied and destroyed the reputation of some good people. They may be penniless and homeless now, but I believe they understand that it is for the greater good. Perhaps you will let them be my servants in their next life and maybe I will treat them better. Yes, I have killed some people, a lot of people, but I did it because I wanted my son who is more special than any of these low life beings on this earth, to be ruler over the world. So, I know you can see my dilemma. What else could I do? And, now even though I did it in secret, all of my actions are being traced back to me and so I am going to have to kill a lot more people to cover it up. 

Could you help me out a little bit here merciful deity? I promise to keep the number of murdered innocent people as low as I can unless they try to bring me or my son down. (he’s doing a bang-up job by the way as ruler of the world.) I assist him in every way I can. But I digress.

Since I pray to you daily and pay tribute with the required offerings, you seem to concur with my actions because you have not smote me with lighting or anything like that. So, I’ll keep doing what I do, and would you please keep helping me and blessing my son? Thank you, merciful deity! We’ll talk again soon.”

This was of course on a tv show. The absurdity of it made me laugh out loud. In fact, it was one of those laughs where every time you think you’re finished you take a breath, and another wave of laughter hits you. I had to pause the show until I gained control of my senses.

Later I thought back about the woman’s prayer. It seemed ridiculous at the time (as it was meant to) but it makes me wonder…

People are dying in droves in this country for inexcusable reasons. Hunger, homelessness, mental issues, lack of heath care, environmental issues, deregulation on safety of practically everything. Don’t eat lettuce, it might carry listeria, meats, poultry, and seafood, coated with salmonella. Don’t drive on a bridge, it might fall apart while you’re on it because the infrastructure of our great nation has been ignored. Negligent homicide.

Our country has been led for years by people who called themselves “religious and “moral”. In years past, they told the world that their actions were based on biblical principles. In recent years many of our leaders have loudly called themselves “Christians” as they proceed to guide our nation down a path of destruction. They turn a blind eye to the need for the greater good of individuals while they embrace the greed of corporate America. 

Then they fan the flames of what was a simmering hatred and distrust amongst the citizens and turn it into a roiling sea of prejudice and barbarity.  And just in case that isn’t enough they make sure that guns are available to all. This way they don’t get charged with the blatant murder of innocent people; rather it’s because of social conditions.

What do they say to their deity when they pray?

Mixed Messages

Written By: Nakema Lemon

9/16/23

 

Daughters are taught to be chaste and to save their virginity for marriage. The girls are taught to believe that if they have sex before they are married, they will be labeled a slut.

Sons are taught to sow their wild oats, and to sleep with multiple women before they settle down. The boys are taught to believe that having sex with a lot of women makes them a stud.

Then when these two individuals come together, with these mixed messages, what do we think is going to happen? We literally put these girls in an impossible situation. She is the one with all the pressure, and for the most part she is in a no win situation while the boy can’t lose either way. If you add in the fact that boys are also raised to believe that girls should submit them, many girls face situations where the choice is even taken away from them.

When this girl ends up pregnant, we place the stigma and blame on her. We say she should have kept her legs closed or used birth control. Or we say, she got pregnant to trap him or to get a child support check. We place all the responsibility on the girl, which is why we always hear that “single mothers” are hurting the Black community instead of “absent fathers”. Once a human female is pregnant, she has to wait until she gives birth (typically 9 months) before she can give birth again. However, a human male can impregnate as many females as the number of times he can ejaculate on any given day, week, or year. Just based on math and biology alone, it would seem to be clear on whom the responsibility of birth control should fall. I would also argue that there are just as many men out here trapping women with babies, because they believe that getting a woman pregnant will make her less desirable to other men and ensure that he will have some level of access to and control over his “baby mamma” until that baby becomes an adult. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “You so fine, I want to put a baby in you.” Worst pick-up line ever. Also, how much child support can you really get from a man who has six or seven kids.

Women are told that a man is not going to want to wife them, if they have a high body count. These are the same men who will accuse a woman of “just trying to get a free meal”, if she refuses to sleep with him after he pays for dinner on their first date. If a woman is educated and has a high paying job, she is accused of being too masculine. However, if she doesn’t work or has a low paying job and is looking for a man to be the provider, then she is a gold digger. Men tell women they want 50/50, but then expect the woman to do all the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids all by herself after working a fulltime job. And then proceed to throw hissy fits when she is too tired to have sex on demand.   

Women are told to submit to their husbands, but then she literally has to do everything in the marriage. He can’t make his own doctor’s appointments; he doesn’t know how to work any of the household appliances. He doesn’t know how to fix anything, doesn’t know how to handle the family finances, and doesn’t even know his own children’s birthdays. These men then take pride in not being able to function without their wives. Who wants to submit to a man who can’t even make his own doctor’s appointment or get the car fixed? They call it weaponized incompetence, but let’s be real. It’s simply incompetence.

Of course, I am speaking in generalities. My point does not apply to all men or women, but here is where we are. The divorce rate of Black women is higher than any other demographic in this country, and many that have bever been married are abandoning the notion completely. The vitriol between Black men and women is at an all time high. You cannot convince me that there is not some nefarious plot afoot to destroy Black families. If you believe that Russia and China have been impacting our elections, then it is not a stretch to believe that there is a political agenda at play here.

We can correct the course of this ship, but we have get our messages straight. Times have changed. At one point in our history, it was illegal for Black people to marry. Then there was another time in our history where women didn’t have certain rights, so they had to have a husband to survive. Now a lot has happened between then and now, and we can have a debate about how Black men have been impacted versus Black women. But the bottom line is while many Black women desire a husband, they no longer “need” them. So not only do we need to synch up the messages that we teach our boys and girls, but we also need to change the message to fit the times.

But one thing we absolutely should not do is listen to Tyler Perry about settling for a man who can only afford to pay the light bill. I rebuke that message.

Apocalypse Almost Now

Written By: Shirley Lemon

August 19, 2023

 

There was a time not so long ago that I really liked watching apocalyptic movies. They were movies about what could happen years and years from now. Certainly not in my lifetime nor that of my children or grandchildren. I’m talking maybe a few hundred years from now.

Except… maybe not.

The Day After Tomorrow, with Dennis Quaid braving the world turning to ice as he tries to reach and save his son.

2012, John Cusack struggles to keep his family alive when a global catastrophe threatens to annihilate mankind.

Contagion, Matt Damon and other healthcare professionals, government officials and everyday people find themselves in the midst of a pandemic as the CDC works to find a cure.

Hell, In the not-too-distant future Lilo Baur and friends struggle to survive their greatest enemy, the sun.

I Am Legend, Will Smith searches for a cure after most of humanity dies from a plague and the rest are transformed into monsters…

In my elderliness, I do not want to deal with the real world when I’m watching movies. I want to be entertained and feel like all is right with the world when the movie is over.

What used to be fiction has now become a reality.

I have read countless sci-fi novels and seen thousands of movies. They have been humorous, intriguing, scary and sometimes macabre. But there was always the knowledge that they were not real that allowed me to dive deep into the story.

I live in Arizona. We are breaking heat records every day. It’s not hell here but it is really, really hot. Some days it feels like we’re getting close.

I laughed as I watched Sharknado knowing that sharks would never swim into your home. Right? Until I actually saw one swimming inside a home in Louisiana during hurricane Katrina.

In the movies they always find a cure for the disease and then there is hope and peace in the world. In the US, the nonsensical rhetoric that ensued during the Covid pandemic was mind boggling and dangerous. So many senseless deaths, from the people in the nursing homes to the people taking horse medication and suggestions that people drink bleach. That’s not sci-fi that’s horror. Unfortunately, it was also reality. And covid has not been subdued. It has been tucked in a corner and ignored in hopes that people will not think about it. However, those who are still suffering from symptoms, or the loss of loved ones are still thinking about it. And the numbers are rising again.

In my agedness I want to live in my bubble and keep my rose-colored glasses on. Sadly, my bubble is cracking and on the verge of shattering and my rose-colored glasses are turning gray.

Recently I saw houses in Alaska fall into the ocean because the glaciers are melting. Last week in Hawaii people had to run into the ocean because Maui was on fire.

These days I am watching Asian fantasy movies. They are entertaining, sometimes silly, and totally unreal. I think. Godzilla may have some cousins and Aunties and Uncles sleeping in the ocean just waiting for the call to arms.

As the world keeps turning, in my ancientness, I will keep searching for movie genres that do not reflect the horrors of my reality. Or maybe I will give up watching movies altogether and just fully embrace my first love. Books.

Why?

Written By: Shirley Lemon

7/27/2023

There is a lot of stuff going on right now that I am clearly not mature enough to understand.

On airplanes, people are taking seats that they didn’t pay for under the premise that they need the seats for themselves and their children. They didn’t pay for the seat, mind you, but their needs and desires should be met above all people and circumstances.

A woman heard the flight attendant tell an unaccompanied minor that they were upgrading his seat to first class, and she decided that the seat should go to her instead because the child didn’t deserve a first class seat.

People are fighting with the flight attendants and other passengers. Some of these people are drunk, some have mental issues, and some are just plain mean and selfish. Planes have to return to their start point or land somewhere in emergency because of these incidents from volatile passengers.

And those are just a few of things that have happened on airplanes lately.

On other topics…

Some people got killed jumping into the ocean from a fast moving boat. It was a TikTok challenge. Grown people.

And why are so many people either falling or jumping from cruise ships?

A man fell sixty stories from a building doing a stunt.

A woman fell off a cliff trying to take a selfie.

And people keep coming to Arizona and surrounding states with temperatures in the triple digits and going on hikes. Some don’t make it back.

A seventy one year old man died hiking in Death Valley in 122F heat. Days later two women were found dead on a trail near Las Vegas in temperatures that hit 118F. They were 34 and 29 years old.

Unfortunately, this happens every single year in Arizona. People come from around the world and die hiking in the extreme heat.

A woman was gored by a bison because she got too close. Thankfully, she didn’t die. But what part of “don’t get close to wild animals… because they are wild and don’t know you and will attack you if they feel threatened because you invaded their space” … don’t you understand? She was not the only one to do it. There have been a lot of attacks in our national parks recently because people think wild animals can see their “privilege” card.

Not so people.

Is this behavior new or has it been happening for a long time in this country? Is it “Pandemic brain?”

It is said that Pandemic brain is our brain adapting to change from the disruption, anxiety, and uncertainty of the pandemic. (Jeni Stolow, Professor at the College of Public Health.)

Is Pandemic brain causing people to be rude, selfish, angry, murderous, and suicidal?  Or could it be a more spiritual, end of days kind of thing? Perhaps a bowl has been poured or a trumpet has sounded. Of course, we didn’t see or hear it because we were busy being oppressive, destructive human beings.

I wonder if the fact that people have not had a chance to deal with the grief from the pandemic might have something to do with the behavior issues in this country.

Grief is probably overwhelming still to a lot of people. Some people lost their fathers, mothers, siblings, other relatives, and friends. Children’s lives have been upended because they lost both of their parents. Some people lost their entire family during the pandemic and aftermath.

What have we as a country done to address this? As with almost everything that deals with empathy for our nation, nothing. Grief is not a onetime only kind of thing. You can’t have one memorial and then expect people to go back to life as usual. A part of their lives is missing, and they don’t know how to deal with it. Many people need long term counseling to help them through the stages of grief.

I’m not saying that this is the only reason that our country has gone stark raving mad. Far from it. The seeds of privilege, racism, and misogyny have flourished.

But I wonder if patience and support from our great nation would help. Perish the thought!

Call Me Grandma

Written By: Nakema Lemon

8/5/2023

 

When we first started this blog a little over a year ago, I wrote about wanting to be a grandmother. Well, it’s happening people! My baby girl is having a baby girl!

I am going to be a grandmother!!!

Unlike with Ja’lah where I missed out on the opportunity to be called “mom”, I am not missing out with my granddaughter. She will call me “Grandma”. Not nana, meme, mee-maw and all the other, perfectly fine, grandma nicknames. I want to be called Grandma, just like I used to call my two wonderful grandmothers (whom I hope to emulate).

I want to thank Ja’lah because she has made it a point to try to include me in the process as much as possible, even with the long distance between us. She stated that since I have never been pregnant, and this is her first pregnancy, she wanted us to go through the experience together. I’ve seen a gazillion pregnancy test sticks and ultrasound pics. I’ve gotten several updates on blood test results and hormone levels, and I now know more about Ja’lah’s uterus than I ever knew about my own. Every update is like a shot of serotonin that immediately lifts my spirit, and I am grateful.  She is going to be a wonderful mother, and I am so blessed that she is taking me on this journey with her.  

Ever since we first got the news, I have been trying to reign in my emotions. I don’t really know why. I think with all the losses we’ve suffered and all the horrible things happening around us, it’s sometimes hard to allow myself to feel too hopeful or expectant. The day we found out that the baby was a girl, was two days before the 4th anniversary of Boss Baby’s death. So, I literally cried the whole two days, vacillating between glee and grief.

But now that we are in a new month, I have decided that I am going to allow myself to feel all the feelings. I am overwhelmed with joy, and I am about to start getting on everybody’s nerves, because I am going to be “that kind” of grandma.  Just as her mom was the “first” in our family, my granddaughter is also going to be the first grandchild, first great grandchild, first niece, etc.... For all of you who thought Ja’lah was “spoiled”, what this baby is going to experience is going to redefine the word. Of course, she is going to be loved and cherished by so many, but I got a feeling she is going to be running us all.

I have so many plans. I am going to do all the grandma things. Bake cookies, read books, get our nails done, and shopping. There will be lots and lots of shopping.  I plan to do a little remodeling in my home, so she has her own space when she visits (I have no idea where her parents will sleep), and I am opening up that account to start saving for her college education. Like I said, I am going to be “that kind” of grandparent.    

So, call me “Grandma” and in the words of the great TikTok “be prepared to be sick of me”.

My Super Power

Written By: Shirley Lemon

7/1/2023

The question is: If I could have a super power what would it be?

What I would choose to have now is drastically different from what I would have chosen in my youth.

When I was a little girl, I used to lay in the grass, look up and watch the clouds float by and think how I would love to be an eagle. I could soar over mountains and rivers and travel around the world. I could just dive and fly in the sky. The eagle is king of the sky, so he has no challengers and nothing to fear. My super power would have been to fly. To ascend into the heavenly sky like the eagle.

Sometimes I would imagine being a dolphin. They move really fast. You can’t eat me if you can’t catch me. I have watched pods of dolphins glide through the ocean, bobbing up and down and sometimes it’s as if they are putting on a show for the vessels I was on. They looked so happy and carefree. My super power would have been to transform into a water breathing creature with the capabilities of the dolphin so I could swim and frolic as much as I wanted to.

In my youth my super power was all about me. It was about having the freedom to break away from my unremarkable existence and experience the excitement of the world above and below the earth.

Hundreds of years later… Ok, not hundreds, but decades later my idea of a super power has changed.

For one thing, there is not any room in the sky for flying. It has been taken over by all kinds of aircraft such as government jets, commercial aircraft, and private planes. And let’s not forget that somebody is always launching a rocket somewhere. If you fly low, you will have to contend with drones of all kinds and helicopters. It’s too busy up there! And the air is probably so polluted that it would make you sick or even worse it could kill you. Or you could get shot down because some satellite mistakenly identifies you as a UFO.

The ocean unfortunately is no better. It may be worse. Corporations have turned it into a giant garbage dump. There is plastic pollution and waste from innumerable ships and consortiums. Then there are the oil spills. Global warming is heating up the waters, causing the sea levels to rise. It’s damaging the coral reef and the mangroves. Its killing sea life. You may also have to contend with flesh eating bacteria. Breathing underwater would most definitely make you sick or kill you. That really hurts me. I love the ocean.

That brings me to what my super power would be today. It will probably sound corny. But here it is. I would like the ability to zap compassion and empathy into the hearts of every person I come in contact with and then they would have the ability to do the same.

If only we all could truly feel the pain and anguish of the people around us and understand what they are going through and then have the desire to do all we can to change their destiny. If we could see that all people feel, love, and live the same. Rich or poor. If we could remove hate and condescending judgement from the world equation. This world would be a much better place to live in.

Some people cannot see the light of day because they feel that when they take one step forward, the powers that be pull them five steps back. In reality it is the truth. The world concept is that the rich get richer, and the poor stay poor. It is a brutal and unyielding philosophy. Empathy and compassion could change that.

I am an idealist by nature, but I have been forced to be a realist in order to survive in the unrelenting world we live in. Not everyone is able to do that. People shut down from the pressures of life or turn to any means necessary for some relief.

If we could realize the impact of the damage and continuing destruction that we are inflicting on our planet, empathy and compassion would provoke us to work together to heal our wounded world so that generations to come can experience the beauty and comfort and purpose of God’s creation.

Think what a good zap of compassion and empathy would do for the world!

To Gray or Not to Gray

Written By: Nakema Lemon

7/1/23

 

Proverbs 16:31: “Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” ESV

I was born with a lot of hair, and it grew to be quite long. I remember as a kid, people would comment on it all the time. When I was in the third grade, I got a part in a school play simply based off the length of my hair, and I’m not exaggerating. They made all the girls stand on the stage and then they checked the length of our hair. I and three other girls got parts in the play because we had the longest hair.

The first time I got a big chop was in the sixth grade. That was when Jheri Curls were all the rage. My mom was a licensed cosmetologist at the time, and almost every weekend someone was in our basement getting a Jheri Curl. Of course, I wanted one too. The problem was I had a perm in my hair. For the Jheri Curl to set right, it had to be processed on virgin or natural hair. So, I had a decision to make. Either cut off all my permed hair to get the curl, or not get it at all. I chose to get the curl. Surprisingly my mom let me make the call and cut off a significant amount of my hair.

Let me tell you, I never looked back. There was something about having shorter hair that felt freeing. Over the years, I would say that I was going to let it grow back (my hair grows pretty fast), but every time it reached a certain length, I would get it cut again. Thankfully, my mom took care of my hair when I was a kid, and when I was a teenager and through most of my adulthood, my Auntie “D” who is also licensed took care of my hair. They have always indulged me when I ask them to cut it, even if they wanted to talk me out of it at first. In fact, my Auntie did a big chop for me a few years ago. I asked her to shave it all off. She, my mom, and my Auntie “P” kept asking “are you sure?”. I think my Aunties were hoping that my mom would stop me, but I was in my forties so…. Anyways, Auntie D cut it all off and I had no regrets.

In my early twenties I started getting gray patches. I had a little gray streak right front and center. While I’ve never been vain about the length of my hair, I have always been vain about the gray. Gray represented “old” to me, and I didn’t want to look old. So, I started coloring it to hide the gray. The more gray it got the more I would color it. As I mentioned, my hair grows fast so every few weeks, I was “getting rid of the gray” which of course was not healthy for my hair.

As I’ve gotten older, my hair started thinning. Mostly due to genetics and aging. But also, because of the damage I’ve caused with the excessive hair coloring. Between 2020 and 2023, I didn’t do any big chops. I wore my hair braids or in its natural state, but I still kept coloring it. During that time, it grew down my back, almost to my childhood length. However, because of the thinning and damage, I didn’t like how it looked. So, I was ready to cut it all off again. I thought, what is the point of having all this hair if I don’t like how it looks. I had this conversation with myself every 3 months for about 18 months, but my mom (who had to cut it) would say, “just give it all awhile longer”.

About 4 months ago, I stopped coloring my hair and noticed that the roots (about 40%) were white and healthy. You could clearly see the thicker roots against the thinner colored hair. Especially at the crown where it is thinning the most.

So, I found myself at another crossroads. Do I keep coloring my hair to hide the gray “because I don’t want to look old”? Or do I let my gray hair grow out healthy and strong?

I went with the second choice. I did another big chop, to cut off the colored hair. I am going to let it grow in its natural state and hopefully I’ll be all white before I’m sixty.

At the end of the day, “ageing” is happening with every year God gives me. Running from it is an exercise in futility. So, instead of trying to “look young” I am just going to focus my energy on aging gracefully.

Besides, I’m about to be a grandma. I gotta look the part.

I Need You

Written By: Nakema Lemon

6/24/23

One of my favorites singers is Jill Scott. I think she has a beautiful voice. One of my favorite songs by Jill Scott is The Fact Is (I Need You). In the song Jill tells us about all the things that she is capable of doing as a woman. How she can take care of herself, her home, and her family all by herself. But when she gets to the refrain she sings “And even though I can do all these things, I need you.” Which in my opinion is the most poignant part of the song.

Coming off of Father’s Day weekend, there has been a lot of discourse about Fathers and men in general. So, I wanted to share my thoughts.

I am a strong independent Black woman who has had to take care of myself, my home, and my family without the help of a man. And I was raised by a woman who did the same. I have never been married and it is very likely I never will. However, just because I don’t need (or desire) a husband, doesn’t mean that I don’t need men in my life.

Men show love differently than women do; therefore, I feel that in order to have balance we all need love from men and women. But it doesn’t have to just be romantic love. Familial love is just as important. I have been very blessed to receive love from my dad, my grandfathers, my brother, my uncles, my nephews, and my cousins. All of which has helped to form the woman that I am today. And trust me, I love the woman I am today.

I love all the men in my life, and I need them. I feel such a sense of safety and security as well as comfort in knowing that if I reached out to any of the men in my life with a need, they would do everything within their power to meet that need.

So, to all the men in my life, “even though I can do all these things, I need you.”

Fatherhood Instructions

Written By: Shirley Lemon

06/24/2023

 

I just read an article about a popular preacher’s Father’s Day sermon.

The article states that during his hour and 18-minute sermon this preacher said that he would scream if another childless person tells him how to be a father.

He continued “If another woman tells me how to be father, I will open my mouth and flat-out scream. You can no more tell me how to be a father, then I can tell you how to birth a baby. I don’t know nothing about birthing a baby. I don’t know nothing about nursing a child. You have to know what you don’t know. Shut up being the teacher and just be the wife.” 

“How do you know how to be a father? Not only are you not a father, most of you didn’t even have a father and yet you’re an expert on how to be…” 

“But that’s alright. I’m not gonna bother you, because you’re not in the text. It’s all right. I’m sorry. I got off the text Let me get back to the text. I’m not gonna bother you today … and all your ideas, and the stuff you read in ‘Essence’ and ‘Women’s Today,’ and all the things you heard at the beauty shop about what a man ought to be.”

” I’m not gonna bother it today. Because you’re an expert on something you’ve never done. I’m a leave you alone. I’m not gonna try to argue with you because you talk faster than me, go ahead. But just because you outtalk me, doesn’t mean you’re gonna change my mind.”

I have respect for this preacher. I have listened to him over the years and many of his sermons have been comforting and encouraging. So, to you Christianly Christians, this is not impertinence.

What happened here? I have thoughts and questions…

How did a Father’s Day sermon end up tearing down women? Do you need to be a father in order to know what a father should be? Does the fact that you don’t have a father mean that you don’t know what a father should be? Are you not allowed to express your thoughts on what you needed from your absent father? Strange.

Who are these women who read “stuff “in Essence and Women’s Today and then go to the beauty shop to complete their education on how to be a father? Who are they? Then they take this knowledge and talk fast with it. Really?

Where do men get the information that they always throw up in the face of women on how to be a good wife and mother? The barbershop? The Gym? How is it that men can tell you what to do with your body, when to do it, what you should wear, whether you should gain weight of lose it, whether you should work or stay home, what makes you look beautiful or ugly, what you should do to stay young looking, whether you are doing a good job taking care of your children, whether you are hardworking or lazy, and yes men do tell women how to give birth to their babies!  But they are not women so how could they know these things? How? It's intriguing!

I realize that I am getting old and maybe with my dusty brain I cannot assimilate the reason that men can bring their barbershop knowledge to the table, but the women of Essence can’t.

Or maybe I can.

Reincarnation Any One?

Written By: Shirley Lemon

May 5, 2023

I was having a conversation with my father one day many years ago. We were commenting on some frivolous subject we had heard being discussed on tv. As we talked, I made the statement that when I come back in my next life, I want to have all the stuff that person is complaining about.

At that point, my elderly pastor dad admonished me. “There is no such thing as coming back here for another life. You know better than that.”  I laughed and replied” I was just joking daddy. I know that.” 

The Christianly Christians I know and were raised by do not believe in reincarnation.

Reincarnation is a key belief within Hinduism. In Hinduism, all life goes through birth, life, death, and rebirth and this is known as the cycle of samsara. According to this belief, all living things have an “atman,” a spirit or soul.

My latest tv obsession is Chinese Costume Fantasy Dramas. They are so much fun! These dramas usually involve reincarnation. The entities can be plants, reptiles, fish, animals, aliens, or supernatural beings. After thousands of years of meditation, they emerge as humans. “Oh Glory!”  Because… that’s what every earthly and alien being desperately wants to be. Right?

They seem to live very peaceful, happy lives in their original form. However, when they become human all hell breaks loose.

Watching some of these shows gives me reason to contemplate the idea of reincarnation. Specifically, whether there is any way I would want to be reincarnated and come back to the world we live in now.

What can reincarnation offer me that would make me want to do it?

As I get older the adage “been there, done that” comes to mind. Of course, I am continually adjusting and moving forward and striving to accomplish things. I believe I will have completed my spiritual assignment when I transition from this earth. Anything undone is not consequential to my existence.

Ecclesiastes 1:9-11 “History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new. Sometimes people say, “Here is something new!” But actually it is old; nothing is ever truly new. We don’t remember what happened in the past, and in future generations, no one will remember what we are doing now.” NLT

Perhaps if there was no forgiveness in this life, then maybe I would want to come back to right some wrongs and do more good. But I believe that I have been forgiven for my sins in this life. Repentance is a daily activity.

The only other reason I would come back is if God himself told me I had to. There would be much kicking, screaming, weeping, and wailing involved. All on my part. When I’m gone, I’m gone. Moving on to permanent greener pastures.

I Corinthians 15:51-53: “But let me reveal to you a wonderful secret. We will not all die, but we will all be transformed! It will happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. For when the trumpet sounds, those who have died will be raised to live forever. And we who are living will also be transformed. For our dying bodies must be transformed into bodies that will never die; our mortal bodies must be transformed into immortal bodies.” NLT

Transformation, not reincarnation.

First Cousins

Written By: Nakema Lemon

4/15/23

 

A girl on TikTok (yes, I’m addicted), was explaining her views on the family structure. She said something like “If your parents have siblings, then their children are your siblings, not your cousins.” And boy was she telling the truth. Growing up, I was always surrounded by cousins. My mom has ten siblings, and my dad has five. Between the two of them I have 38 first cousins, and that is not even counting all the adopted cousins, step cousins and cousins-in-law.

In some cases, people tend to be closer to one side of their family than the other. There are a lot of memes on TikTok about “that other side”.  But not in my case. While I did spend more time with my mother’s side, I was still very close with my dad’s side.

With large families such as mine, there are generational hierarchies within the cousin-dom.

Group 1- These are the older cousins who grew up as kids playing with their aunts and uncles. I am on the tail end of that group. My youngest aunt and I are only 9 years apart, and I have cousins that are even closer to her age. From our younger cousins’ perspectives, we are all so old that we might as well be the aunts and uncles.

Group 2 – This group ranges from about 7 to 13 years younger than me. On my mom’s side I was the designated babysitter. Of course, all of them are well past grown now, many with children (even grandchildren) of their own. I am so proud of every last one of them. And you better believe, while I like to brag about my cousins, I also take my credit for their successes whenever I get the chance. As far as I am concerned, if I ever changed a diaper, gave a bath, made a meal, combed a head, or put to bed, it means I practically raised them, and I raised them right. I don’t make the rules. (Sidebar: Even if I never babysat you – I’m still proud and I still brag about you.)

Group 3 – The youngest first cousins are in the same age group as my children. For many years there was always a new baby first cousin, but they are all grown now too. The baby cousins are having babies, and all the new cousins are second, third, removed, etc. It all just reminds me that I am old.

On both sides of my family, I have that one “big cousin” (5 or so years older). On mom’s side it is “T” and on dad’s side it is “S”.  Those are the cousins we wanted to emulate, especially when they were teenagers. We would get so jealous when they got to hang out with the Aunties.  I also have cousins on both sides, that are only a year or so older. Coincidently, they are also “T” and “S”.  These two were my partners in crime. They were my BFFs before I even knew what the word “friend” meant. All four cousins were my sisters, and still are. We can go months or even years without talking to one another, but whenever we do come together, we simply pick up where we left off. It’s never weird, awkward, or strained. Whenever I get together with the younger cousin “S” (on my daddy’s side), at any family function, we still whisper and giggle through the whole affair, like a couple of five-year olds. She cracks me up.

When I was going through it during the loss of my youngest and the subsequent trial, it was my cousins (and a couple of aunts) that I reached out to for support. When I couldn’t talk, but needed a little love, I would send a group text to my momma’s side and one to my daddy’s side, and instantly they would respond with all the love and support that I needed. Whenever I needed to talk, I could call any of them at any time. And when I didn’t know that I needed to talk, they somehow knew when to call me.

A few years ago, one of my Group 2 cousins, “N”, told a sweet story about how when I used to babysit her, I would play music and we would get up and sing or dance, and how much she enjoyed it. We would listen to Whitney Houston and my favorite singer of all time, Anita Baker. Fast forward to last summer, she texted me out of the blue (we hadn’t seen each other in about a year), because she had an extra ticket to see Anita Baker in Las Vegas. I was touched that she thought of me and my love for Anita Baker. I had a wonderful time, and we made another sweet memory.

We tend to hear so much about all the dysfunction in families today. And every family, large or small, has some level of drama. To paraphrase Nell Harper Lee in To Kill a Mockingbird “You can choose your friends but you sho' can't choose your family”.  However, I know I got a double portion of blessings when God chose me to be a part of the Boyd and Lemon families. While no family is perfect, I know that I could reach out to any one of my first cousins right now and say, “lend me your ear”, and they would not only give me both ears but both shoulders and the shirts off their backs if they could.

So, if ever given a choice, I will always choose my family.  Especially those first cousins, who are actually my siblings. 

Beware of Zombies

Written By: Shirley Lemon

4/15/23

 

I watch a lot of sci-fi shows.  I love vampires, werewolves and most other characters that fall in that genre.  

Supernatural, The Vampire Diaries, The Originals, there are too many to name. I have been watching these shows for many years. One year I started watching The Walking Dead. It’s a good show but I had to let it go after the first season.

Why? It’s simple. I HATE ZOMBIES.

 A zombie is a will-less and speechless human who becomes that way usually because of a man-made virus that spreads all over the world. There are other ways people can become zombies, like having someone put a voodoo curse on them but that only affects a few people. The virus infects millions of people. And as we have experienced ourselves with Covid 19, it can spread across the world very fast.

The thing I hate about zombies is that they are mindless. They are dirty and they are nasty. They move really slow, and they wander around eating humans who are not zombies. Fresh meat. They move in droves. If they get stuck somewhere, like in mud or a hole in the ground they just march in place forever. The other zombies can’t rescue them because they are senseless.

To have thousands of zombies wandering around like a horde of rats is scary.

I used to wonder how people could get caught by such slow moving and non-thinking entities.  But in the movies, it happens all the time. People are cornered and caught and eventually turned into zombies themselves.

Zombies are sub human creatures that seem to exist with real no purpose at all. But things are not as they seem. They exist to ravish the earth of all free-thinking humans and turn them into apparitions like themselves.

Wait a minute, this is unreal… I feel like I may have seen some actual zombies!

The world that we live in now has many people who are akin to zombies. There are people who don’t think for themselves. They move in droves in any direction the crowd is going. They mindlessly walk into situations that are dangerous to themselves, their families, and their communities. Some are stuck in mud. Some are drowning. Some have walked into a wall, and they keep moving but are going nowhere. They can no longer comprehend what is right or real. They have no love and no concern for the environment or the people who live on this earth.

Plants and animals live in a harmonic balance that is beneficial to both parties involved. The air, the water and the earth have a great purpose in our ability to thrive. We humans have the responsibility to share in the security of our ecosystems. After all, we receive the greatest benefits.

We are failing miserably.

Perhaps you have seen some zombies. They are unable to disguise themselves.

14 This fulfills the prophecy of Isaiah that says, ‘When you hear what I say, you will not understand. When you see what I do, you will not comprehend.
15 For the hearts of these people are hardened, and their ears cannot hear, and they have closed their eyes— so their eyes cannot see, and their ears cannot hear, and their hearts cannot understand, and they cannot turn to me and let me heal them.’ Matthew 13:14 – 15 (NLT)

The good news is that the world is still full of people who are not zombies… yet. But there are some precautions that you should take to protect yourself from this fast-spreading virus.

If you see a zombie, get away from it as fast as you can. Do not attract its attention. You cannot reason with it, nor can you save it. If it approaches you be wary of its conduct. Its purpose is to assimilate you by any means necessary. Don’t take its actions personally. It cannot discern whether you are a relative, friend or enemy. It does not discriminate in its quest for total annihilation of humanity.  

There is hope for us. It is not inevitable that we all become zombies. We must be vigilant. When you see the signs and symptoms of zombies, know that they are real. This is not a movie or a tv show. We are all watchmen. So, let’s watch each other’s back.

When the watchman sees the enemy coming, he sounds the alarm to warn the people.

Ezekiel 33:3

So… have you seen any zombies lately?

I Am Really That Old

Written: By Shirley Lemon

3/17/23

 

A few weeks ago, my oldest grandson stood in front of me and made this statement; “I had to walk home from school, and it took me fifteen minutes. My back was hurting when I got home.”

The boy is fourteen, in excellent health and he was riding a motorized scooter.

My youngest brother was visiting at the time. He is sixty-one and I was just days short of my seventy first birthday. We looked at each other and laughed.

“If he is looking for sympathy he certainly came to the wrong people”, I said. “Yeah, we had to walk thirty miles to get to school in ten feet of snow” my brother chimed in. I couldn’t let it end there. “There were nine of us and we could only afford to wear flip flops.” My brother added, “We only had one pair of flip flops, so we took turns wearing them. I wore them on Mondays.”  I was a Thursday child myself” I threw in. My brother and I were laughing and having a good time making up stories about our youth. 

For the record none of that was true.

My grandson stood there starring at us, probably trying to figure out how this conversation had gotten so out of control.

That conversation gave me a reason to think about some of the real things we dealt with when I was a child. 

I thought about some of the things we experienced that my grandson could never imagine.

I remember when we had a coal burning furnace. It was a huge monstrosity that somehow heated the entire house. There was a coal truck that came every month and poured coal through a window in the basement. It filled up a whole room down there built exclusively for coal.

My older brother had to get up early on cold winter mornings with my father to shovel coal into the furnace and start a fire before we got up and started getting ready for school.  (It’s one of the many reasons I was glad to be a girl.)

There was no air conditioning in houses. You put a fan in the window and hoped that you could get a good breeze flowing through. In the summer heat you just sweated and endured.

We had an Ice box.  Literally. A man came a couple times a week and bought us huge blocks of ice that went into the ice box to keep our food cold in the summer.  We also had a milk man. He delivered milk to our house three times a week. The milk was in glass bottles. Pints, quarts, and half gallons. We returned them when they bought us our next delivery. (See, we recycled first!)

And I can’t forget the watermelon man that drove his truck down our street in the summer yelling “Watermelon Man! Come and get your watermelon.!” People came out of their houses in droves to buy his watermelon. (The good humor man had nothing on him!) 

Could those be considered our version of uber eats? 

There was a shoeshine man. We never needed him because my brothers keep our shoes polished and shined back then. (Thank you, brothers.)  Everybody wore polished shoes back then.  Shoes were usually black, white, or brown. Those were your choices. Period. And… when the heel wore down on your shoes you took them to the shoe shop, and they replaced the heel. One pair of shoes could last a long time.

We needed those shoes because we did have to walk miles to get to school. We didn’t have gadgets to tell us how many miles we walked. But in the cold, snowy, Detroit winters it was a long way from home.

There were no drop offs or pickups or school busses. And during my childhood there was only one time school was cancelled because of the weather. That was because it snowed so much, and the snow was so high that people could not get out of their houses. Literally. But I remember it being one of my happiest days. We built an igloo in our back yard!

But ice, hail, rain, tornadoes, lighting…  nothing stopped us from going to school.

We had a party line telephone. You picked the phone up and if somebody from somewhere was talking, you had to wait until the line was clear before you could make your call. That meant that you had to keep picking the phone up to see if someone was on it and to assure that you would be the next person to use it. I have no idea how many people used the same line. 

People played a “number” by writing it down on a strip of paper and some person would come to their house and pick it up. My family didn’t do that because we were Christianly Christians. The people who indulged were sinners bound for hell. Of course, today that would be called the lottery. 

People had “rent parties” where they would cook barbecue and drink and play cards to raise money to help a person who was in need.  Today it’s known as the Go Fund Me Page. (Young folks it’s nice to see you keeping up the tradition!)

These things were just the tip of the iceberg. There were no computers, no cell phones and television screens were black and white. The only “Apple” back then was the kind you eat.

Now that  I am a full pledged senior citizen, basking in the contentment of “oldly-ness” (and loving every minute) it’s amazing to see how different things have become. 

Yes, I lived in prehistoric times. I have many ancient memories. There were no dinosaurs then but it does seem like it was a long, long time ago. Am I really that old?

And what will the world look like by the time my grandson is my age?

Introvert

Written By: Nakema Lemon

3/17/23

 

When the girls were younger, they would sometimes complain about being bored. Tweens and teens seem to always be bored no matter what you do. So, when they would whine “I’m bored.” My response would always be “You’re bored, because you’re boring.” I don’t ever remember whining about being bored. I don’t remember ever being bored. I have always been able to entertain myself. In fact, some of the best times I’ve had in my life have been when I was alone. Not only do I enjoy being alone, I’ve come to realize that I need to be alone from time to time (most of the time).

I am an extreme introvert. One of the key differences between introverts and extroverts is how they process energy. Introverts recharge their energy inwardly whereas extroverts tend to recharge their energy outwardly. Introverts need to be alone to recharge while extroverts need energy from other people.

So being in large groups, or even being with one person for an extended period of time drains me. I didn’t realize this was the issue. I always knew I preferred being alone, I just didn’t understand why.

Years ago, I was in a long-term relationship. We were quite smitten with each other, and we were together seven years. If I would have married anyone it probably would have been him. He literally proposed every year we were together. He was kind and loving and he treated me very well. We never fought or argued, and we always had fun together.

In the beginning of our relationship, we spent all of our free time together. Eventually it began to wear on me. I had a full-time job, and I was going to school, but whenever I wasn’t at work or school, I was with him. I started having these episodes where I would feel like I was suffocating, or all of sudden get deeply depressed. Then, the very thought of spending the rest of my life with him would make me feel trapped.

When these feeling started to overwhelm me, I would feign a headache, cramps, or some other illness to stay home. I couldn’t just say I needed a break, because he would take it personally or think I was mad at him. So, I pretended to be sick just to get away from him. Then after a day or two, I would start to miss him, and we would go back to spending every free moment together again. It became a cycle, and I just chalked it up to me just not being ready for marriage. At the time I didn’t understand my own introversion.

Now I can name it. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I realize that I simply just need alone time. Even with my mother. If we go on vacation and share a hotel room for multiple days, when we get home, we both spend two or three days alone in our respective sides of the house without speaking, unless we happen to pass each other in the kitchen or something. Just a couple of weeks ago, for her birthday she wanted to spend the weekend doing activities together. So, I took that following Monday off work because I knew I would need a day to myself to recharge before I went back. When Monday came around, she stayed in her room, I stayed in my room, and I literally did not see her until Tuesday.

My mom is an introvert too. So, she totally gets it. But that doesn’t stop the occasional bursts into my room where she goes “I know this is your alone time, but….,” and then she proceeds to tell me something that could’ve waited.

So, what do I do when I’m alone? Sometimes I listen to music, read a book, or watch television. But mostly I just allow my mind to do whatever it wants to do. I’ve taken trips around the globe and out of this world. I’ve composed music, written screenplays and solved some of the most complex equations, all in my mind. I can entertain myself for hours.

I also do a lot of self-reflection. I continuously examine myself, which is how I came to realize I’m an introvert. A lot of people think of introverts as being shy, and a lot of them are. However, I don’t think anyone that knows me would ever describe me as shy. A little quiet sometimes but never shy. In fact, people tend to describe me as outgoing because I can strike up a conversation with just about anyone. However, it wasn’t until I started to examine why every time I would be in a large group or had to spend a lot of time being “on” whether at work or at home or with family or friends, I would start to have this overwhelming sense of despair. I started doing research to self-diagnose and that is when I determined that it wasn’t me just being weird or hormonal. It was just me needing to recharge.

Ok maybe I am actually a little weird, but I am also an introvert.

Spoil The Child

Written By: Shirley Lemon

12/8/22

 

 

Back in the olden days we used to classify certain children as spoiled. People of my generation know who I’m talking about. They were the ones who had everything they wanted and was constantly given more. The kid seemed to run their agenda and the parents just tried to keep up. Little Bobby was over indulged and selfish. Everything was all about them. Wait… was that then or now?

I grew up in the era of “Spare the rod, spoil the child”.

My parents were all in. They did not spare the rod. Ever. The rod was a very important part of child development.    Children had their place in the scheme of the universe but it was a world of silence and obedience. My siblings and I were taught that in the presence of adults we were seen and not heard. We spoke only when we were spoken to. We always answered with “Yes/no Ma’am, Yes/no Sir”. We sat quietly and attentively (fake) until we were allowed to leave their presence. We never engaged in conversation and certainly never gave our opinion on any subject. And even when we were in our teens we would never contradict an adult even if we knew they were wrong. Our parents were always watchful to make sure that we were respectful and well trained children. We did not know what a tantrum was. We were taught that the world did not revolve around us, but that we had to find our place in the world. There was no spoiling going on in our house.

When my children came along I was much more relaxed. I followed the family mold to a degree. The rod was not spared. There was the one time that a certain son of mine saw a kid in the grocery store have a tantrum and then he thought it would be fun to mimic it. Well, it didn’t turn out the way he thought it would because his momma knew how to throw an even bigger tantrum right there in the store. The case was closed and my perfect children went on with their lives. I wasn’t as strict as my parents had been with us. I tried to let the kids act like kids and not miniature adults. I taught them to be respectful. I allowed them to express themselves, gave punishments and rewards as was deemed fit. I couldn’t spoil them with material things, so I just showered them with love and affection.

Then the grandchildren came along. Times change, people change. Young people today are opinionated and cannot be held back. Nor should they be. They are allowed to express themselves and sometimes it is surprising, eye opening, and inspiring. They hold nothing back. Sometimes you see a reflection of yourself. Good, bad, and otherwise. Sometimes you see some characteristic that makes you think, “Who’s kid is this?”  Mostly as a grandparent you have the freedom to beam with pride over everything that they do.

Each generation tries to do things for their children that the previous generation didn’t do for them. What we used to call “spoiling” in days past is really just “showing love”  today.

Teach your children to be respectful. Teach them that being selfish is not a virtue. But allow them to open the doors of self-expression and truth and explore! Shower them with attention, love, and affection every day. Spoil your children. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone. And here’s a little secret; all those who tell you that you shouldn’t spoil your children… take a look at their children.

Superstition Ain’t the Way

Written By: Shirley Lemon

11/29/22

Now that I have reached this new territory called senior citizenship in my journey called life, I look back and find so many things to laugh about. One of those things is superstition.

As a “sci- fi/supernatural afficionado” superstition is an integral part of many of the stories I have read and movies I have seen. And of course most stories no matter how outlandish or farfetched they may be, are founded on some principle or fact. Good vs Bad, Angelic forces vs demonic. Superstition fits the bill.

A vivid imagination can find cause and effect for just about anything. 

You might think that having been raised in a very strict and holy home that I would not give in to superstitious ideas but, nope, there was a time when I felt like if there was anything I could do to bring good vibes to me and my family, I was all in. 

Some superstitions I learned from my parents. They did not see their actions as superstitious because to them superstition was witchcraft. 

One of the things I learned from them is that you must clean your house completely by New Year’s eve. If you go into the new year with a clean house, your house will be clean for the entire year. That meant that from the day after Christmas until New Year’s Eve we were cleaning. And by that I mean we had to wash up all of the dirty clothes, because who wants to have dirty clothes for all of the New Year? We scrubbed walls, cabinets, and floors. It was our regular routine on steroids. We took the Christmas tree down. It had to be out of the house before the new year came in. Because, who wants to have the ghost of a Christmas tree haunting them for a whole year! Not me. The life of our Christmas tree was short. We always got it on Christmas eve and threw it out a few days after Christmas.

But here’s the strange thing… clothes didn’t stay clean all year long and we still had to clean the house up every day. Baffling. Where did we go wrong?

Then there were the foods you must serve on New Year’s Day. Fish, greens, black-eyed peas had to be on the menu so that we would have a prosperous year filled with good luck or for the sanctified folk, blessings. I don’t know if it works but even now there is a fish fry at my house every New Year’s Day.  

There were a lot of superstitions to be concerned about as a kid. If you break a mirror you would have seven years of bad luck. Never open an umbrella indoors. If a black cat walks in front of you, you are doomed! Don’t walk under a ladder. Bad luck was everywhere!

There were a few good luck things. Knock on wood to keep good luck. If your right hand itches it means you will get some money. Does any old people remember this little rhyme; “If you find a penny pick it up and all the day you will have good luck.”  Does anybody even use pennies any more?   

Another fun one was If you put salt at your front door no evil can enter. I have to admit that I did that a few times. I’m pretty sure that there was no evil in my house to begin with. My dad always came to my house from time to time and anointed it with holy oil to keep the evil out and the blessings in. I didn’t need the salt. But in my defense there may have been some drinking and talking crazy with friends involved at the time.

That brings me to a memory of my sister Carrie and me.

One night I was at her house, hanging out and drinking wine. We were laughing and joking and having a good time when I looked down on the table in front of me and saw in a shoe box a figure of a man hanging from a noose with blood dripping all around him on the ground. I was horrified! “What kind of demonic crazy stuff is this ?!” I shrieked! My sister picked up the box and we both looked it over with growing concern. At a closer look the man’s head was laying on the ground next to his hanging body. The box had my niece’s name on it. I asked my sister, “Why would your only child in this world have such a thing in here? Is there some witchcraft going on in your house?”

We went to my niece’s bedroom to see if we would find any evidence that she had gotten involved in a demonic cult! If her mind had been taken over by the devil! Innocent middle school children could easily be influenced by the evil that lurked in the halls and dark corners of the lunchroom and playground. Everybody knows that! We looked in drawers, in the closet, under the bed, everywhere. There was nothing that could be classified as demonic in the room. Still, as we drank and talked we got more and more concerned. We had to get to the root of it so that we could save my niece’s soul from burning in hell for eternity!

Did we need to call my dad to come and slather my niece and this house with prayer oil?

By the time we finished searching the room it was around 3 am. We had worked up so much anxiety that we knew neither of us would sleep that night until we got to the root of the issue.

So we called her daughter at 3 am in the morning. She was spending the weekend with her father. Of course everyone in the house was asleep. In those days there were no cell phones so the house phone rang and woke up everybody. Her dad answered. My sister didn’t tell him what we were calling about, she just said we needed to speak to her daughter and it was urgent. When she came on the line she was foggy from being woken in the middle of the night. Both my sister and I sort of bombarded her with questions. “Where did you get that thing from?  What does it mean? What have you gotten yourself into?”

“MOTHER!”,  she said in a very, I can’t believe you woke me up for this nonsense, kind of tone.  “That is a diorama that I made for school. It’s due on Monday.”

“But why would you have to have something so gruesome like that for school?  What kind of class are you in?”, we wanted to know.  “Uh…art class, it’s for Halloween.”   “Oh. Okay.  Well go back to sleep.”

We hung up the phone and sat quietly for a minute. “Yeah, Halloween is coming up isn’t it?”, I said. We then looked at each other and burst into howls of laughter. Even now this memory makes me laugh.

These days I still love sci-fi/supernatural stories. But they are strictly for entertainment. I take superstitions with a grain of salt. My imagination has settled into senior citizenship along with me. Don’t get me wrong though, I still have questions about things!  However, my mind is” God centered” now.  I don’t worry about “cause and effect.”  At the end of the day, God is in control of my life and I’m at peace with that.

My sister Carrie has moved into that supernatural realm we call heaven. She gets to experience it up close and personal. No superstition involved.  “How wonderful is that?!”

“I miss you girl!”

Carrie Batts

December 5, 1948 - March 3, 2004

Halloween

Written By: Shirley Lemon

10/25/2022

 

Since we started doing this blog a lot of memories that I haven’t thought about for years have come flooding back. 

It’s October and I see the Halloween decorations up everywhere. People really go all out for it.  There are Halloween trees and yards that are staged with scenes like they do for Christmas.  Instead of Santa and elves there are skeletons and spiders and ghosts. There are strange stores that magically appear that only sell Halloween stuff and then disappear as quickly when the day is over. Somebody is making a lot of money on Halloween! 

When I was a kid Halloween was big fun. It was an evening of freedom that was rarely allowed by my sanctified parents. We always made our costumes from whatever we could scrounge up from around our house because my parents didn’t have the money to buy them. In our neighborhood most kids made their costumes. Then on Halloween we ran the streets for hours begging for candy. We stayed out until our trick or treat bags were full.

My children had the full experience of running the neighborhood with their friends. In those days we didn’t worry about anybody kidnapping our kids or even putting sharp objects or other terrible things in the candy. That came later with my granddaughters.

When that happened, things changed and for a while we only allowed them to go to Halloween parties. Many were held in churches. The kids had to dress as a character they learned about in Sunday school of maybe a cartoon character. Nothing scary. Because of course, everything that Halloween is really about, you know, ghosts and goblins and such, were “of the devil.”  Eventually we let them back out on the street in neighborhoods that were deemed safe. Trick or treat time was from 6pm to 8 pm and it was done. 

I was thinking about this when this question hit me like a ton of bricks: “Why did my very religious, very strict parents let us go trick or treating?” 

Halloween is the epitome of paganism! With the devil and all his henchmen set lose on that night, the witches and warlocks, spirits of dead people and ghosts roaming the street, what were my parents thinking!???

Halloween was usually on a school night. That was reason enough to keep us at home. Bad weather didn’t stop us. Rain? Just put on a rain poncho and keep moving. Cold weather? Put on a coat. Who cares if nobody could actually see your costume. It was all about the candy.

For people who thought that literally everything was a sin in those days, how did Halloween escape the “hammer of god”?  It’s baffling.

Were they just happy to get us out of the house so they could have a few hours of peace? Maybe they planned a date night on those days. It was probably the only day when all of the kids were out of the house. They sent us all out. Sure, the little kids slowed us down, but the cute factor made up for that and sometimes increased the bounty. 

I don’t have a problem with Halloween. I don’t think that the devil will get you because you dress up in a costume and go out begging for candy. Children just see it as fun. That is all it is.  It’s good exercise too. You get a lot of walking in; you get some fresh air and nowadays parents get to bond with their children because nobody in their right mind will send kids out alone in these last and evil days.

It is true, there are definitely some demons and devils lurking around in this world, but we see them in our everyday lives. They don’t wait for Halloween.

My parents have both transitioned from this world so I will never get an answer to the question.  But considering how stringent my parents were about their religion I don’t know how Halloween got pass them. I’m just glad it did.

We Are Not a Couple

Written By: Shirley Lemon & Nakema Lemon

10/21/2022

 

Shirley: An interesting phenomenon has occurred between me and my daughter. For some reason, people think we’re a lesbian couple.

Nakema: I blame my mother. She’s never looked old enough to be my mother and she didn’t give me any of her genes. No one can tell if we’re even related.

Shirley: At first glance you might not see the resemblance between my daughter and I, because her father’s genes beat my genes up and took over her body. But if you look closely, you can see that I am there!

Nakema: One day when I was around ten or eleven, my mom and I were at a convenience store. We were walking down the aisle, and we had our arms wrapped around each other. I’m going to assume that I was trying to butter her up to buy me something, and she was using reverse phycology to tell me no. Anyways, as we approached the counter, a man behind the register made a comment about us appearing to be a couple. For some context, at that age I had more boobs than my mom. People always assumed I was much older than I was. Now the comment went over my head because I was just a kid; however, my mother was not too pleased, and she went off (this was before she got back right with Jesus). “This is my daughter, you sick pervert… expletive, expletive!”

Shirley: Years later, we were on a cruise celebrating my 50th birthday. We had our meals at a table with a wealthy elderly couple and a younger nurse and her husband. We introduced ourselves. My daughter and I had the same last name, so I thought that was a clue that we were related. But no. A couple of days into the cruise my daughter mentioned that it was a birthday present to me (her mother).  The nurse exclaimed “Oh my Gawd! I thought you two were a couple!

Nakema: It was really weird. Whenever the photographer would come to our table to take pictures, they would tell us to squeeze in, the nurse would start making kissing noises at us. I just thought she was a few slices short of a loaf of bread. I was much too old to be smooching my mother.

 Shirley: The next time it happened was on a trip to Arizona. We were looking at apartments for our eventual move. We were waiting for our food order in the hotel restaurant that we were staying in when a woman came up to us, put her hand on my arm and asked my daughter if I was her honey. I think she said something to the effect that I was cute. The look on my face stopped the bartender in his tracks (he was filling our order) I blurted out “This is my daughter!” The woman then began to stammer on about how young I looked and that it was a complement that she thought I was my daughter’s partner. My frustration was not about being called gay it was because IT WAS MY DAUGHTER! 

Nakema: The lady was drunk out of her mind. She slinked up to my mother and put her arm around her. Immediately my hackles went up because I don’t play about my momma. I did not appreciate the fact that this stranger was invading her personal space. But when I realized she thought we were a couple, I got even more indignant. If she thought my mom was my woman, why was she all over her? I started to say something about it before my mom blew our cover. I was ready to cause a whole scene over “my honey”.

Shirley: These incidents gave me reason to pause, maybe more people than we realize think that my daughter and I are a couple. After that I paid more attention to people’s response to us. It became a game to us. Do they or don’t they think we’re gay? We have had lots of fun with it. Being mistaken for being lesbian has its perks! During Pride Month we get lots of love from people who want us to know they support us. It’s like, people seek us out in a crowd just to treat us special! I’m good with that.

Nakema: Every now and then we might get some strange looks or evil stares. However, I can’t always tell if it’s because of the lesbian thing or if it’s because we’re Black (we live in a mostly white conservative town). But for the most part we do get a few LGBT+ hook-ups. One time we were at a Michael’s arts and crafts store. The cashier was proudly displaying their rainbow colors. They started chatting us up and we joked around as they rang our items up. I had about $400 worth of stuff (it was mom’s fault). Anyways, they showed me the total and said, “Don’t worry, I’m going to hook you girls up.” They did their thing, and my bill dropped down to $120. To this day whenever we go to Michael’s we get military, teacher, and senior discounts on all our purchases.

Shirley: In my little bubble of a world, when I see two women together, I don’t automatically assume that they’re a couple. If they make an open statement by word, action, or demeanor, then it is reasonable to believe they are gay. Otherwise, they’re just two women together. I don’t presume anything.

Nakema: I just feel bad knowing that the real reason my mom doesn’t have a boo is because I’ve been blocking her action all these years.

 

  • The Weather Lady

    Written By: Shirley Lemon

    9/27/2022

    My daughter made a statement to me one day, to the effect that old people have an overly abnormal interest in the weather. She was of course referring to me as I had just given her my latest weather update. I never take offence when my half century year old daughter makes fun of my old people habits.

    I wear my weather lady title with great pride.

    Somebody has to keep the family informed about the weather. I get regular weather updates on my phone. That’s why I know what’s about to happen. When there’s a severe weather alert my phone screams at me like it’s the end of the world. If it is about to rain, or there’s thunder coming or lightening is about to strike, a mother should inform her children about that, don’t you think? When there is a haboob (sandstorm) here in Arizona I must remind them of the danger and what they should do if they are driving.

    I give them seasonal weather information too. I read to them what the Farmer’s Almanac says is going to happen. That’s really valuable information! How would they know if I don’t tell them?

    I never tell them to carry an umbrella like I used to in the mid-west. One thing I noticed since we have lived in Arizona is that nobody uses an umbrella when it rains. Maybe it’s because we get such a small amount of rain that they feel it’s a waste of money to buy one. Or maybe because if you get wet you will probably be dry again before you reach your destination. Rain is sacred here. Rain is good. That’s why I have to always let the family know that rain is coming.

    Another great service I offer my children and grandchildren is my seasonal announcements about when rattlesnake season starts and when scorpion season starts. This is very important information that they need to know. I also tell them when the rattlesnakes go to sleep for the winter.

    I have to say that I have not seen a rattlesnake yet and I am thankful. But they are all around us. Our next door neighbors have had rattlesnakes kill two of their dogs right in their back yard. The back yard that is right next to ours.

    My spring announcements to my family not only covers rattlesnakes but also covers other animal sightings.

    Spring brings out all of the mating animals and their families. As they continue to build new houses in our neighborhood many animals are displaced. I have seen a mountain lion in a tree. Coyotes are everywhere and there is occasionally foxes and javelinas spotted. These sightings are reported to my family at no extra cost.

    Then twice we had a really special visitor in our backyard. A beautiful bobcat! That was so exciting! We took pictures! Although I have to give my daughter credit for that sighting.

    And finally, in this town allergy season is serious. If you don’t get to the drug store and buy up all of the allergy medications you can find, you will have a miserable spring! We were slow in getting some one year and literally all the allergy medications were gone from all of the stores. We suffered greatly that year. This is my best service announcement I give to my family as the weather lady!

    So, I’m sure you can see that every family that has a senior weather lady in their home is truly blessed. And my daughter may not have figured this out yet but one day she too will become the weather lady.

  • Dating is Ghetto

    Written By: Nakema Lemon

    9/23/2022

    I have not been on anything resembling a date in several years, and I can honestly say that I have not missed it all. As the kids say, “dating is ghetto.”

    Let me tell you about my worst date. We were at the grocery store, and this man started following me through the aisles. I was completely oblivious until my mom pointed it out. She said, “I think that man is trying to get your attention. He’s been following you ever since we got here.” She told me to stay where I was, and she would go to another aisle, so he would feel comfortable talking to me. Chile, my momma was plotting. She was really trying to help that brother out. Well sure enough, as soon as she left, the guy walked up and started talking to me. He asked if I knew what ingredients were needed to make macaroni and cheese. Real smooth. However, I hate macaroni and cheese. I should’ve known then it wasn’t going to end well. Anyways, we exchanged numbers, talked on the phone a few times, then he asked me out on a date.

    So, for the date we agreed to meet at a restaurant not too far from my house. He wanted to pick me up, but I insisted we meet at the restaurant. I don’t believe in giving out my address until I get to know the person, and I also need to have my own transportation in case I need to make my escape.

    When I arrived at the restaurant, he pulled up next to me on a bike. Now, there is nothing wrong with riding a bike. It’s good cardio and good for the environment. But before I could get out of my car, he knocked on my window and asked if he could talk to me first. So, he gets in my car, and he starts rambling. From what I could gather, the mother of his three children, whom he lived with, would not let him use her car that day and that was why he was on a bike. He and this woman were not getting along and as soon as he got his money together (he was unemployed) he was going to move out. He then asked what my living situation was, because since we were “vibing” so well, maybe he could crash at my place. He then took a weird turn in his narrative to describe his bedroom skills in graphic details, and as enticement, he offered to wear a condom because he thought I looked clean. He then admitted that he did not have enough money to pay for dinner and suggested that we skip it all together and head back to my place. I told him that he had just thrown a lot of information at me, and I needed time to think things through. I promised to call him later. Obviously, I never called him again.

    Lest you think that date was only bad because of this man’s life choices (he was the very definition of a hobo-sexual), let me tell you about another date. This man was single, with no children and he had a six figure income. Admittedly he was eleven years younger than me, but what can I say. I was exploring my cougar phase. Anyways, we talked for a couple of weeks and then he asked me out. Again, we agreed to meet at the restaurant. Instead of a bike, he pulled up in a BMW. It was a very nice restaurant (no prices on the menu). He flexed a little bit, by ordering all kinds of appetizers and entrees. He wanted to sample everything. Anyways, I acted like I was impressed. You know how it is. I did the woman thing, and he did the man thing. Everything was going well until he decided to give me a little lecture.

    Apparently, I was not treating him right (did I mention this was our first date). He needed a woman to make him feel wanted and desired. He was used to women who chased him down and called him every day, who offered to cook and clean for him and send him gifts (I had done none of those things). He wanted to be pursued, not the other way around, because he didn’t have to. Then he said, and this is my favorite line of all time, “I am a Black man, with an MBA and a BMW. I can have any woman I want.”

    Now my brain said, “Boy, if you don’t take your little young self somewhere!” But my mouth said something like, “I don’t doubt that you have all kinds of women coming after you all the time. So, since I have no intention of doing any of the things you mentioned, why don’t I just step aside and make room for all those other women.” Anywho, of course that lead to a long arduous debate, which resulted in us never speaking again. I did get a random text from him a few years later, letting me know he was getting married. I have no clue as to why.

    My last and final date was the date that never happened. This was a long-distance situation. We were dating, but not in a committed relationship. So, I flew into town for work, and we had discussed meeting up. The first night we hung out and everything was great. The second night he texted me early in the day and said he couldn’t meet that night. I was relieved because I was suffering terribly from jetlag. So, we agreed to meet the third and final night of my stay. I didn’t hear from him the entire day, which was odd. So, about an hour before I was ready to leave work, I texted to see if he still wanted to meet up. He called me and said he wanted to meet up, but he couldn’t give me a time. He gave me this long, convoluted story that made no sense. He was lying of course. I’m sure there was another woman involved. I tried to give him an out. I told him, we didn’t have to meet. We could just catch up on my next trip. But he was insistent that he wanted to see me, and he was going to call me as soon he could get away.

    I got back to my hotel an hour later. He texted and said he desperately wanted to see me; he just needed a little more time. I tried to give him another out, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He was going to call me as soon as he could. I knew I wasn’t going to see him that evening, so I ordered room service and went to bed. I did not hear from him again until three days later. He called; I didn’t answer. Then he sent a seven-page text, and I ignored it. He never had to make up a lie. He could have simply said, he needed a raincheck. Trust me, there would have been no questions asked.

    So later that week when I was talking to Jesus, I asked about my dating life. He said, “Dating is not for you.”  His voice was clear as day. I said, “You know what Lord? You’re right. Please deliver me.” Then He said, “Go forth and date no more.” Now that last part is a bit hyperbolic but that was His message, nonetheless. And let me tell you, I was set free in the moment. A weight was lifted.

    The only way I’ll ever date again is if Jesus hooks it up. Amen.

  • Say No to Poop

    Written By: Nakema Lemon

    9/9/2022

    I heard a celebrity indicate that they might be willing to eat poop every day to look younger. That is so messed up. There is so much pressure in media to look young, that a person stated out loud to a national news publication that they might be willing to eat literal sh%t. Now I am going to assume it was just hyperbole. This person was promoting their ridiculously priced skincare line. But you and I both know that if there was any evidence out there that would suggest eating human feces made you look younger… well you know what would happen. For all I know, there may be people out there doing it already.

    For the record, I would not be willing to eat poop to stay alive, let alone stay young. In fact, my brain can’t even conceive of any circumstance where I would knowingly or willingly consume such a thing.

    I realize the pressure to look young is real, especially for anyone in media or entertainment. I joke all the time that my face is my money maker, but I have never actually made any money with my face. But for those who do, I get it. The internet is brutal. There are trillion-dollar industries built around youth and thinness that bombard us with images to make us feel less than. Getting older has become a cardinal sin. I recently saw side by side of photos of the incomparable Diana Ross. The first picture was a promotional photo from the 1972 film “Lady Sings the Blues” when Ms. Ross was in her twenties. The second one was a paparazzi photo taken at a recent family event. The caption read something like “Shocking! What happened to this famous singer?” I’ll tell you what happened. 50 years! Diana Ross is in her late seventies, and she looks absolutely fabulous. She is the very definition of aging gracefully.

    The fact of the matter is you can’t look twenty-five forever. It’s just not possible. I listened to a woman in her fifties brag about how she was at some event where she thought she looked younger and more fit than some of the twenty somethings in the room. The question is, why would someone in their fifties compare themselves to someone in their twenties? Why would they want to? Why is the twenty-year-old the goal and not the fifty-year-old? The twenty somethings should be striving to look like us, not the other way around. The twenty somethings should be saying, “I saw so and so at the event, and she looked beautiful. I hope I look that good when I am that age.”

    Let’s talk about Halle Berry, who is drop dead gorgeous. I mention her because she keeps popping up on my timeline on Twitter and I love how she is engaging with the fans. She’s in her fifties and I don’t know what kind of work she’s had done (if any) or what kind of measures, extreme or otherwise, she’s taken to maintain her looks, but we can all agree that she is aging like fine wine. Anyways, I saw a video of her and a young female rapper performing some sort of skit based on Halle’s portrayal of “Cat Woman.” It was cute. The rapper is a beautiful young woman in her twenties. Now we could debate about who looked the best in the video. That is going to boil down to the preference of the beholder of the eye. But what is not up for debate, is that not only does Halle look older than the rapper, but she is also never going to look twenty something again. She may not look fifty (she definitely doesn’t), but she’ll never look twenty. No matter what she does. What is also not up for debate is the rapper will not always look that young either (unless she dies young). No matter what she does.

    So just using a little logic here, if someone is trying to sell beauty, who should be the representation? If you are a millennial (currently the largest demographic), what should be the goal? Instead of positioning youth as the focus for beauty, we should focus more on the beauty of aging. Youth is fleeting, but aging is always going to be ahead of you. So, whether your face is your moneymaker or not, the goal should be to look good for your age, not younger.

    In conclusion, we should all be trying to buy whatever Halle Berry and Diana Ross are selling and we should never eat poop.

  • Bras Are Stupid

    Written By: Nakema Lemon

    8/18/2022

    Does anyone remember Underoos? They were underwear sets for children that featured characters from popular comic books and cartoons. When they came out in the late seventies, they were all the rage. Every kid I knew back then, wanted them. After much begging, my mom got me and my brother (he’s two years younger than me) matching Underoos for Christmas. We were elated. I don’t remember which characters we had, but I do remember my set included a red tank top undershirt.

    Since we were out of school for Christmas break, we spent a few nights at my grandmother’s house and my cousin stayed with us. Now this particular cousin (I have more than forty first cousins), was my partner in crime. She was a year older than me, and when we were kids, we were always together. If we weren’t at grandma’s house, we would beg our mothers to spend the night at one of our homes. She and I would scheme together to decide which one of our mom’s would be more likely to say ‘yes.’ It wasn’t always as easy as just taking turns. We had to determine which mom was in the better mood. And also, my brother had to come.

    Anyway, I loved hanging out with my cousin. My mom said that even when we were babies, I was always trying to keep up with her. Mom said teaching me how to walk and potty-training were easy because I learned them from my cousin. I basically wanted to do everything she did. So, when we got to grandma’s house during that Christmas break, we all put on our new Underoos after we took our baths. I don’t remember which character my cousin was wearing, but I do remember it came with a training bra instead of a tank top undershirt. Man, I really wanted that training bra. So, when I got home, I begged my mother to get me a set with a training bra and she informed me that I didn’t need a training bra because I did not have breasts yet. So, I did what any sensible kid in my shoes would do. I started praying and wishing for breasts so that I could get the training bra Underoo set. Unfortunately, it worked. They started growing in the second grade and by the time I was in the sixth grade I had double D's.

    Since then, my breasts have been the bane of my existence and I blame Underoos and my cousin. For years I have suffered from back pain and bra strap scars, not to mention the enormous amount of unwanted attention abnormally large breasts tend to attract. I was never able to wear backless or strapless tops without a bra, and a good bra in my size costs a small fortune. Then if all that wasn’t bad enough, when I hit my thirties, they started sagging. This, of course, only added to the extreme body dysmorphia I was already suffering. I started wearing a bra everywhere all the time. I would even wear one with a swimsuit. My back pain got so bad; I contemplated getting a breast reduction.

    When I left my job in 2018 and began spending all my time at home, I stopped wearing a bra around the house. I only wear one if I have to go out, or if we have visitors. Now, my back pain is virtually nonexistent. It only hurts if I wear one more than five or six hours. For the most part, I am living my best braless life, saggy breasts, and all.

    My hope is that society at large will one day come to not only accept but also respect the natural changes that occur with our bodies. Instead of shaming women into going to extreme measures to try to keep perky breasts, women should feel empowered to be free and just let them hang. I am seeing younger women (hats off to the millennials) embracing this idea. Women with natural breasts are going braless with abandon. Just take a look at any form of media, the girls are out, and they are jiggling baby.

     I’m hopeful bras will go the way of slips and pantyhose because sagging breasts are a fact of life, and bras are stupid.

  • The Curious Case of the Erasure of Generation X

    Written by: Nakema Lemon

    7/21/2022

    Every now and then certain topics seem to spontaneously trend on Twitter.

    Betty White: Before her passing, on any given day, someone would tweet, “Has anyone checked on Betty White?” Her name would then trend for a day or two. She was a national treasure. RIP Betty White.

    PEMDAS: Someone will post a complex mathematical equation for Twitter-land to solve, causing a debate to ensue regarding the correct answer. This usually results in PEMDAS trending, because apparently (and inexplicably) not everyone still uses this method.

    Generation X: On February 13, 2022, Super Bowl Sunday LVI, Gen X was trending!

    The Superbowl halftime performance was epic! Dr. Dre, Mary J. Blige, et al. showed up and showed out. They represented us very well. However, one of the reasons Gen X started trending was because the millennials had the nerve to try to make that performance about them! Every performer, except Kendrick Lamar, was and is literally Gen X! I have mad respect for millennials. They are doing a lot of things right; however, that Superbowl performance was for the grownups. The youngins should have just been happy we let them stay up late enough to watch.

     I digress. The point is, every now and then Gen X will spontaneously start trending, and it is almost always because “they forgot about Gen X.”  See what I did there? Hats off to Dr. Dre, that Superbowl performance was EVERYTHING!

     Just recently David Gergen tweeted “Baby Boomers have been running the country for nearly three decades…. It’s time to pass the baton to younger generations – Millennials & Gen Z.” This resulted in Gen X trending because what the hell? Do we just not exist to you people!?

     Now I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. I’ve been saying this for years. There are too many people running our three branches of government that are too old and/or have been in their positions too long. There, of course, should always be balance between experience and fresh perspective. But people who have been legislating since the Reagan administration and are trying to legislate like it’s still the Reagan administration need to pass the baton and step down. The youngins have got this!

     There have been many discussions and think pieces regarding the battle between Boomers and Millennials and almost always, my generation is left out of the discussion. It could be that young people are just lumping all the old people together. The youngest Gen Xers are in their forties. My grandmother used to say, once you turn forty, you’re old.

     I’ve experienced this in my own family. One day I was riding in a car with my cousin, who was the driver, and my aunt. My cousin is younger than me. In fact, I used to babysit her back in the day. As we rode in the car, she wanted to find a playlist that we all might enjoy. She said something like “Let me find something from y’all generation.”  First, I was offended, then I was perplexed. My aunt (her mother) and I are seventeen years apart. My cousin and I; however, are only seven years apart. We are indeed from the same generation. Now I get it in part. I am her ‘big Cousin.” A seven year age difference is significant. I was twenty-five when she graduated high school.

     Something similar happened with my girls. When the youngest was around thirteen, we were having a conversation about her sister, who was twenty-one at the time, coming home from school. I thought she would be excited. I went on and on about how much fun they would have together. But she let me know in no uncertain terms that she was not excited when she said, “But Ja’lah’s old.” This tickled me so.

     So, I get how my cousin feels, she also sees me as old. But come on Cuzzo, as old as your mother?? Seriously!?  

     Overall, I really don’t think Gen X is being erased. I think we’re just being lumped in. Old people seem to be doing the same thing to Gen Z by calling every young person a millennial. So, basically, you’re either a Boomer (old) or a Millennial (young). There is no in-between (Gen X).

     Fun fact, the President of the United Sates and David Gergen are not even Boomers. They are too old!

  • Call Me Auntie

    Written by: Nakema Lemon

    7/1/2022

    Women like Oprah (60’s), Mary J. Blige (50’s) and Nikole Hannah-Jones (40’s) have stated that they do not want you to call them “Auntie” unless you have their permission to do so. I am a huge fan of all three of these ladies. I respect their points of view. However, social media for the most point does not. There seems to be a lot of pushback whenever a woman pushes back. The prevailing sentiment is that women should not only accept the title but embrace it because it’s a term of endearment and respect. I saw someone comment “We just trying to show you old Bit@$es some respect!” Irony is lost on the internet.

    While I believe the term is meant to show deference, it is being used to indicate that the woman is of a certain age or acting like one. I mean no one is calling 21-year old’s “Auntie” unless they are indeed someone’s Aunt. With all the stigma surrounding aging especially for women, you can understand why some women might find the term to be less endearing and more patronizing or condescending.

    This wasn’t a thing when I was younger. We didn’t go around calling random women whom we did not have that familial relation, “Auntie.” If you wanted to show respect, you would address an older woman with an honorific such as “Ma’am,” “Ms.” or “Miss.”  But you still had to be careful how you addressed certain women.

    “Ma’am?! Did you just call me Ma’am?! Just how old do you think I am?”

    I remember when Snoop Dogg started calling everyone nephew and it resulted in the word “Unc” being bandied about. But for men, it’s not quite the same. Being an “Unc” is cool.

    I have also seen this new “Rich Auntie” trend. The upwardly mobile single woman with no kids, who is surrounded by peers who are married with 2.5 children. But instead of feeling sorry for herself, she flips the whole “old maid” narrative on its head. The single, childless Auntie has the freedom and finances to jet set around the world, have spa and selfcare days unlimited, and buy whatever she wants including expensive gifts for your kids, securing her spot as the “favorite.”  I am not mad at this at all. I am actually thrilled women now realize they can find happiness and contentment whether they choose to marry or not. Besides, the statistics indicate the happiest demographic, is indeed single women with no children.

    My daughter calls me “Auntie” because, biologically she is my niece. However, in every other way that matters she is my child. My mother and I raised her since the age of two, and she will forever be my daughter.

    She was the first grand. Y’all know how we act about those firsts. We were all so excited about her pending birth we started thinking about what we wanted her to call us. My mother went with the tried and true “Gramma.” It took me a little time to decide. You see, I have a lot of aunts. In my family we typically address the aunts as “Aunt (insert first name). But since this was my first niece, I didn’t want to be just one of her aunts, I wanted to be Thee aunt. So, I landed on “Auntie.” She could call all her other aunts, Aunt (insert first name), but she would call me “Auntie.” I know it doesn’t seem very original now, but back then I thought I was doing something.

    After circumstances changed and my aunt duties morphed into parent responsibilities, there was some brief consideration about whether or not she should call me mom. People would ask all the time, if she were my daughter, and I would say no she is my niece. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was actually hurting her feelings. When she was around 3 or 4, she asked, “Why do you keep telling people that I am not your daughter? Don’t you want me to be your daughter?” This broke my heart of course. So, I tried to explain why, and she seemed to be fine with the answer. Since that conversation, though, I have always claimed her as my daughter.

    When her little sister was born, and we became the four amigos, sometimes the girls would ask if they could call me mom. I turned into a game. If they asked me on a Tuesday, I would say they could call me mom on Mon, Wed and Fri. If they asked on a Wednesday, I would say the alternate days. They would giggle because they always knew what I was going to say. It wasn’t that I didn’t want them to call me that, I actually wanted nothing more. I just didn’t want to put the girls in the middle of any conflicts if there were any sensitivities around the subject with their biological mothers. For the record, I love both of my nieces’ mothers, whom I lovingly call my baby mamas.

    As the girls grew up, we had many conversations about our unique little family, and the love we have for each other. Even though they call me “Auntie,” they are my daughters in every way that matters, and I am their parent in every way that matters. In truth whenever, they call me “Auntie,” I hear the word “Mom.”

    In conclusion, if you really want to show deference to a woman, respect her wishes. If she does not want to be called “Auntie,” don’t call her “Auntie.”

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